life after mastectomy

My memory after surgery and while I was in the hospital is riddled with holes. I was in and out of sleep and on morphine. I remember the recovery room. Usually I come in talking but this time my throat hurt and I was a little more tired. So I stayed quiet. The nurse asked me to take a deep breathe a few times, I had a mask, I am guessing oxygen. The clack was 6:30 the first time I remember looking at it. I think it was 7:00 when the movers came in. They were nice kids, 2 guys that looked about 17. They rolled me to my room. I remember realizing during the move that my boob had been removed. I wanted to look so bad but was afraid I might cry and the poor boys wouldn't know what to do, so I remember waiting. It was really hard to wait, and I was all drugged up so it was nearly impossible. I concentrated on where they were taking me so I could tell people where my room was. Once there they moved me onto my new bed and I had a few minuets before everything happened. I looked down and say a boob on one side and a very flat bandage on the other. It is amazing how much tummy I can see without a boob in the way. It was really weird getting used to it. When I put my hand to it, i naturally wanted to stop before I got all the way to the bandage, my hand was expecting to run into my boob and it never did. It took a few days for that to go away. Now when i reach up it kind of knows, but with the bandage and still being numb from surgery it is still funny. My plain t shirts look normal, it is kind of hard to tell in some of them really, but I put on a YMCA shirt today that has writing across the chest and it looks so weird! It catches my eye every time I look in the mirror. I have a temporary booby to slip in when i go someplace or when people come over, but it puts pressure on my surgery area so i prefer not to wear it. I thought it would take longer to get used to it, or that I would hate it. I don't hate it and I can actually see why some women prefer not to have reconstruction Life is so much easier without them, and I think I look thinner on that side.