2 in a Row!

A few days ago I felt so terrible, I prayed for just one day of feeling well. And, I got two! I'm trying to not do too much to send me right back to not feeling well but it's hard since I haven't been able to get anything done lately. My thank you notes are starting to really back up and I don't like that at all. I also need to do the final cleaning of my apartment, I don't like that either! :) But I'm glad I feel well enough to do it!

Good day!

I feel good! Fever is gone, pain from fluid drain is gone, appetite is back. Today is a very good day! I just got back from a walk, the fresh air and a little exercise felt great! Vegas is just over a week away! And.... Its pay day!!!! I doubt it could get any better than this, I am so blessed!

I am going in for my bone scan today, I usually don't get along with the nuclear dept but hopefully today will stay on theme and we can all get along!

just checking in...

No real big news. Last week was the thoracentesis. It took two days for my breathing to be back to normal. The first day was so painful that my breathing was even more restricted than before the procedure. Then on Saturday I started getting some crazy back pains and a fever. The fever was pretty low for me, 100.7 was the highest. But the body aches have been pretty bad and anytime I'm sick I'm always a little sad. So for the last few days I have been achy, crying, and kind of miserable. I went to the doctor today, he couldn't find any sign of infection so he thinks it might be viral and wants me to check in with him in the morning.

I hate to be sick and feel so miserable with this fever. So, I decided that I won't be miserable about it anymore. I have hair and nail appointments tomorrow and then maybe I will search out some fun activities I can do on a regular basis. Now that I am all moved in to my dads and my apartment is almost all clean, it is time for me to start my new life. I want to have some fun, be active and social. I would love to just go to work, but that's not an option. Maybe cooking lessons, or some fun art classes, something easy where I don't have to buy a ton of equipment or if I miss a day I won't feel guilty. Ideas are welcome if anyone knows of anything. Pottery might be fun. Something out of my house, I am saving those things for later :)

And Now I Can Almost Breathe!

They drained the fluid around my lungs today and I didn't love it! They got about 2 liters of fluid out and I feel somewhat better. I can take a deep breath, I can talk and breathe at the same time and I can drink water and breathe at the same time! I can even lay down flat and breathe at the same time! It's amazing! But I am still in a lot of pain and I just want it to go away already! My right side had most of the fluid and he said it might be uncomfortable while my lung expands back to normal. Uncomfortable isn't the word, sharp throbbing pains when I lay wrong or take too deep of a breath is more like it. Tomorrow I should feel better and I am excited about that, but right now I am still pretty grumpy.

Lung Doctor Visit

I met with my lung Doctor today. I was very anxious and was not feeling well when I went in. I saw his degrees on the wall and loved his choices in colleges so that made me a little more excited to meet him. He was amazing! He explained a lot and was very thorough and calming. I told him that I had never been so anxious for a procedure. I was nearly in tears before we left to see him I was so afraid. My ribs hurt so bad and to drain the fluid they stick a needle between your ribs. Even with anesthesia I just knew I would be in pain. I explained how nervous I was and he was so nice about it. Chemo, surgeries and radiation didn't have me this anxious. He asked how I did with IV's and I said fine, but something about this had me beyond stressed. After our appointment I felt so much better, so I go in tomorrow and he will drain the fluid. He estimates there is about a pint of liquid in there. I looked up some lung cancer forums and I found a lot of people talking about getting 2 and even 3 liters drained and that makes me feel even better! I'll post again tomorrow and let you know how it goes.....

Random Update.....

Not a lot happening in the medical world for me since my Stanford appointment. The calm before the storm? I meet with my oncologist tomorrow to discuss Stanford and to create a game plan from everything they said. He has already started making appointments for me with the doctors that will be part of that plan, I meet with the first one on Wednesday, a pulmonary specialist, hopefully we can get the liquid out of my chest and I can breathe! I can't wait to see my spine MRI, that has me the most anxious. I have been having back pain for a while and just never understood. I can't wait to see what it looks like. I promise to let you know about that one!

So I get questions from people and lately they are nearly the same so I thought I would answer them here in case anyone else has been wondering the same thing?

1. how do you feel about the Stanford appointment? Are you going to keep you doctor in Visalia? When do you start treatment? I know this is really three, but the answer comes down to this.... I feel good about Stanford. I like to know what's going on. I lam confident in their assessment and am not mad that my doctor didn't see everything they saw. He sent me to Stanford because it was beyond his comfort to treat. I admire my doctor for admitting when he needed someone else's opinion instead of making a best guess and treating me. he suggested Stanford, he admitted he didn't know what to do with this. That, in my opinion, is more admirable than being overconfident and doing what he wants. It takes a little while to start all of these things up. My oncologist is referring me out to the specialist that will all contribute to my treatment. Right now, I know nothing on start dates, which is why I am meeting with him tomorrow to get a better idea of how long all these things will take and in what order to tackle them.

2. Bone Marrow? Leukemia? No, my cancer is destroying my done from the outside in. It is still considered breast cancer.

3. How do I stay so positive? I have no idea! I get up and go mostly. I have been so busy with doctor appointments, I am just getting over the physical drain of going to Stanford. Then I moved, I should say, my boyfriend.... I mean Finance!!!! moved me. I woke up throwing up from too many pills and not enough food. So we set up my bed on the first trip and there I stayed most of the day. It took me three days to get my clothes hung up and those are just the clothes I ware! Not including the shoes! Once my life slows down, right? I will look into art classes or something to make life fun between all of these doctor appointments. The other part of it is that I'm not always positive. Sometimes I am sad that I will never have a 20 year marriage or babies or grandchildren. But I don't feel like I was cheated out of life. It's just the hand I got dealt. I don't take it personally or see it as a negative. I am preparing for a different type of life, one without a body that can't follow a treatment plan and tries to eat it's own bones! It's like the entire Star Wars series is happening in my rib cage. But seriously, I am ok. I am sad for my family and friends, they are the ones this is unfair for. My dad doesn't deserve this, neither does Tony.

Ok, that was more than I thought it would be. There are a few more regular questions I get, but I am going to nap for a few minutes.... If you have questions, please ask! You can post here in a comment or e-mail me.

Stanford Appointmnet

I just got back from Stanford and I am exhausted! But I wanted to take a minute before I napped to give everyone an update.

First, and probably the worst news I got today is that it is in the bone. Which explains why my back has been so sore and I haven't really been able to get comfortable. They think it could be in one of my vertebrae and that sucks. Radiation will "sterilize" it. (That's the word the doctor used, weird, but as long as it stops I don't care how he explains it.) Hopefully it isn't in too bad of shape, they want an MRI of my spine and a bone scan to get a better idea of what we are dealing with.

Second, it is NOT in mu lungs! There is fluid around my lungs that is causing the shortness of breathe, but that can be drained and I should get most of my lung function back.

Lastly, the cancer is only in my bones and soft tissue and that will not kill me. It will cause discomfort and will eventually spread to other areas that will be fetal, but there are a few things we can do that will hopefully slow it down. The Stanford team agreed that I have more than a year!!!!

Overall, I am very happy with the news I got today. I am sad that the Visalia team didn't pick up the bone cancer, but that's why we got a second opinion. Cancer in the spine scares me a little so I hope we caught it before it was too bad and can keep it from deteriorating the bone any more.

Ok, so that's it. I have an appointment with my Visalia oncologist to set up the scans, fluid drains, etc, etc. I will keep you posted on how it turns out!!

Both Sides of the Fence

Someone close to me was diagnosed with cancer this week. It makes me sad and even though she has a really good prognosis, I can't stop worrying and praying. I call her and I wonder what to say, I wonder if there is anything I can say that can possibly make a difference. It's so hard. I cry for her, pray for her and constantly think about her family. I love them all so much I hate to see any of them hurt. Experiencing cancer from this side makes me think of all of my family and friends that have comforted me. It makes me appreciate them even more, if that is even possible. Bottom line is that cancer sucks no matter what side of the fence your on!

Stanford

My original appointment for Stanford was November 2nd. I hated that it was so far away, but I couldn't do much about it, at the time it was the next available appointment. I was very happy when I got a phone call today saying that they were able to get me in sooner and asked what I was doing Wednesday. I will update the blog once I get home.

fastest week ever

Megan and Micalah came from Dallas to visit! My poor little apartment was bursting at the seems but we had so much fun! I love seeing them and hanging out with all of our friends. We went to Pismo one day and wine tasting in Paso Robles the next day with a group of friends. Everyone of them was a close friend and most had been a roommate of mine. I think we laughed the entire day! I've been napping ever since, but it was so worth it! I'm so happy I felt good and was able to keep up! I love that my friends took time off of work, arranged babysitters, put their fear of flying aside, planned and mapped out the best wineries, and put everything else on hold for a day to come have a good time with me! They are all so wonderful and I appreciate them so much!

Have to share!

I just ordered a wedding dress!! I can't stop smiling and am so happy!!! I love my Tony so much and can't wait for him to see me in it! Wow, things are happening fast!

Happy Friday!!!!

I'm engaged!!!!!!!! I am very happy and so in love with a wonderful man!