long day...

So I have had a day for everything to sink in and accept the news that i will have to have a mastectomy. I hung out with family a little and talked to dad a few times. I am still in shock that the doctor just happened to take more tissue and that tissue came back with cancer. I am so thankful that he did! Today has really reminded me that this disease kills people. I have been so optimistic with everything that I rarely question my own mortality. My sister and I talked about it a little and it is heartbreaking to see my family so upset and am so thankful for everyone's support, well wished, and most importantly their love. I never would have made it this far with so much hope if it weren't for them.

more surgery

I heard from my doctor this morning. The margin he went in for is clean, unfortunately there is another spot that has more infiltrating cancer. When I talked to him this morning he said that there was no reason for him to gather more tissue, he just did. Thank God he did, he said sometimes God whispers in your ear, I told him that I was glad he was listening! How many times have we been whispered to, or even yelled to and have not listened? So, basically I will go back on Wednesday and have a mastectomy. The lymph nods are still clear so they will just remove the breast tissue. I have told a few people, I am sure I will talk to more in the coming days. They are all very concerned and don't believe me when I say that I am ok with this. So here are all of the reasons that this is not bad news for me. I have been preparing for this news for 6 weeks, after two partial mastectomies- they no longer seem to be a "pair", I get a tummy tuck to make the new one if I want :) My left boob will never get sore when I am pms-ing ever ever ever ever again! YEAH!!!!, I don't need it to live, I can feel what it is like to flat chested-literally, and I am sure there are many more good things about this. I am sad about having to go in for more surgery, I hate the taste in your mouth afterwards and not being able to eat or drink anything ALL day and the surgery is at 3:30 in the afternoon- stupid!- and I do not like having to stay in the hospital- it will be my first overnight trip and I just know I am going to come out with an extra nose and a staph infection. The other thing is that I am tired of being a patient, I want to do things myself and without everyone checking on my all the time. I have been very good at it and feel I have served my time being dependent. I am also disappointed that there had to be so many surgeries. One of the reasons I chose to do the partial was the chance of less surgeries total, no reconstruction, etc- but we ended up needing 5 when I could have had two. I am very glad that such an effort was made and that in the end I will know that all the cancer is gone. I will know more about my surgery on Monday after my doctor's appointment.

Recovering from 2nd Surgery

I had a second partial mastectomy on Friday, the 20th. This one was at Cypress surgical center and was a shorter than the last one. One margin from the first surgery showed some can cancer and they had to go back in to get it. It was small enough for another partial. I haven't been in too much pain, as long as I sit still, which is nearly impossible. But am trying and have done, in my opinion, done a very good job. If I avoid car rides and too much walking, then I can avoid taking vicodin, which is great because I am allergic to tape and have been taking benadryl everyday. I have a splint on and there is tape all over my chest. I call it my booby cast, but my doctor always calls it a splint. Hee hee. I think he doesn't know exactly how to take me, but he seems to laugh with me so that's good. He tells me I can not shower until the 3rd. I told him it is really hard to keep friends with no bathing for 10 days! He laughs. He is a really cool doctor, in his office he is calm and collected. He seems pleasant and is always very professional and concerned. On surgery days, he is really excited. This man was born to cut people and I am glad he chose to be a doctor, otherwise he really could have been some kind of psycho stabber. I have never had surgery before all of this, but I don't think other surgeons are this excited to cut people open or too sew them up. He really seems to get a kick out of it. Really, it does seem better to have a surgeon that loves it more than one that is bored with it. Ok, I think I am rambling. I have another appointment on the 3rd and will post the results of this surgery. If this one comes back with any margins that are not clear I will need a full mastectomy. So hope for the best! Love you all! Janice

Lance Armstrong

As many of the local Visalians know, cyclist and cancer survivor, Lance Armstrong was here today, racing through town. The streets were closed, my doctor had to move my appointment from this morning to this afternoon because there was no way to get to his office, helicopters and sirens were herd as the group raced through. Even our mountains seemed to know something was happening and decided to show up, something that doesn't happen often enough. Heidi's mom and aunt, Linda and Nancy were there to see it all and to take advantage of a little free chalk. (There was a guy who's job is to pass out yellow chalk for spectators to scribble names and words of encouragement to the racers.) So, here is a picture of my name in yellow chalk, thank you Linda and Nancy! I love it!!!!

Yeah Pictures!!!

I love my pictures! These are the pictures Deene Souza took for think pink photography. She is soooo amazing! I loved taking the pictures and they are better than I ever thought possible. There are some I will never post on the internet, he he he..... but there are some that I can post and some that I have cropped. Enjoy! And thank you Deene! They are absolutely the best pictures I have ever had of myself! I can't wait to take my "after" pictures!

Post op news

I saw my surgeon today and there is more good news than bad news. The good news is that they got most of it and that my lymph nodes are clear. The bad news is that one of the margins wasn't clear and they have to go back in and get it. This surgery will be about 30 min and has a success rate of 80-90%. Right now things look good, a little swollen and discolored but not too bad. There is very little change in shape and size which was the best news! I talked to a few people today and they asked if I was excited to finally see it. I was a little, but I was more excited to find out if I got to keep it. Now, that I know I have an excellent chance of keeping it, I am very excited!!! Have a great evening! :)

Visalia

So Megan is in town taking care of me, she used to live here and now lives in Texas. We have been enjoying all of the local food favourites. Rosa's, See's Candies, and Splash Cafe clam chowder. We even thought about going to the coast, but it would be way too much for me, thank God Costco has frozen splash! I love it! It has been really fun eating all of this great food and hanging out with Megan getting caught up on everything and everyone he he he :) Megan has been sending text messages to her mom, sister and husband flaunting all the great food we have been chowing on. They are so mad and I think her mom has disinherited her. So funny! I guess they should have came out here too. And Mumsi, you really should be happy that your daughter is enjoying herself and is so unselfish that she came all the way out here to do a good deed and take care of me. That should double her inheritance, not lessen it! You raised a very giving person! No more mean text messages, Much Love Janice & Megan

Flowers

Heidi's parents Dan and Linda brought sunflowers after surgery. They are so pretty. Yesterday the doorbell rings and there are more flowers. The YMCA sent a really gorgeous bouquet. I took pictures of both to share with everyone. They make me smile and smell great! Thank you so much! They make me smile!

recovering and think pink pic

I fell pretty good so far. I get twinges of pain now and then, but nothing like I thought. The port surgery was much worse mostly because I couldn't move my neck. I have a lot better movement with this one so I am happy. Megan is here making sure that I do not get up too much or do anything crazy, like go to the mall. Megan forgot to pack pj's so I thought we should just pop right out and go get some. We could use my mom's handicap placarded and run into old navy, it isn't even 500 feet of walking. Megan went ballistic. I mean really! It's not that far and I can walk. We didn't go, and I am glad, I think it really could have been too much, but it was funny to watch Megan go nuts. he he he.

Think pink took my picture before I started treatment. I have been waiting to see them so I went to the photographer's website and saw this one! I love it. So I e-mailed her and hope to hear back soon. I'm so excited!!!!

Recovering from surgery

I am home, yeah!! and recovering in the recliner. The surgery went well. My lymph nodes were clean, there is one more screening they need to do before they are 100% cleared, but right now it looks good. I will find out next week on Wednesday or Thursday if the partial mastectomy was successful or if I need to go back and have a full mastectomy. Pray that this one worked, I do not want to have another surgery! Of course if I do the bonus is that I would get a full fakey instead of no reconstruction option.
Megan is here and doing a very good job making sure I don't do anything more than sit here and recover. Linda and Vicki came by with gifts, THANK YOU, and my family spent the afternoon hanging out and relaxing with me :)

Surgery in the morning

I check in at 6:00 am and go in to surgery at 8:30 am. My end time is 9:53 am. I laughed when she told me the exact end time. Recovery will take about 45 - 60 min. And then I get to go home! After my last surgery and knowing how their schedules really go, I might be home by 2:00 :) I will post when I can to let everyone know how it went. Of course if anything goes wrong I will have to stay overnight, I really really really want to come home, but will stay if I have to...... Have a good night! Love Janice

Surgery on Wednesday

I'm almost ready, I have a little more to do to get ready. The goal is to get everything done so I can have an enjoyable recovery. Tomorrow I need to go to the bank, the grocery store, fill my prescriptions, and a few more things around the house. I go pretty early on Wednesday morning so at least I don't have to fast for as long as last time. My port surgery was late in the afternoon and I could eat all day, that was pretty terrible.
Also, I am thinking about joining some breast cancer walks. Kera is doing Avon's San Fransisco walk in July. I might do that with her. There is another walk in October for Susan G. Komen. Right now I want to do both, but that is a lot of fundraising to do, almost $5,000. I like the October one because it is breast cancer month and the month I was diagnosed. It is Oct 2-4th and my first doctors appointment was on October 3rd. Kind of cool. I'll let you know which one I do, maybe both and if you want to join or donate let me know :)
Goodnight! Janice