Starting Chemo Again

I go in tomorrow morning for more chemo, yum! This time is much easier than last time. I am not nearly as nervous or scared. I was kind of a hot mess last time, this time is no big deal. I will be there for a long time, the drugs take 3 hours, and I like them slow because it messes with my sinuses and that's not including the time it takes to hook it up and unplug it later. So I will be there for a while, I am going to wear my pj bottoms, not something I usually do, but 3 + hours in a chair sounds insane!!!! SO tonight I am going to watch 24 and relax, go to bed early, well maybe not too early. Tomorrow I will get up early so I can eat and let it digest for a long time before I go down there. This round will be taxol, much better than the AC pack I had last time, but I doubt I will pee cool colors. There will be more joint and bone pain, but not as much nausea, which sounds good. I will try to post tomorrow so you know how it went, but I have a Dr. D appointment in the pm, I think he might extract the fluid from my mastectomy, don't be jealous!

Wow, big day!

There was a lot that happened today. At first I was not very happy. I started my day reading the details of my insurance plan, and I mean the details!, to make sure that prosthetics and bras would be covered. They are, but I am not sure how many they will cover, I have a prescription for two each. Next I called to find out if the stores took insurance directly or if I needed to purchase the items and be reimbursed by my insurance later. Well, two of the three don't do that anymore and the third was someones house. The lady that answered at the house was very shocked that someone called about a breast prosthesis. I find it hard to believe that no one else has called he since it was printed on a prescription form. She laughed and was pretty rude about it. Ok, soooo, where can I get a new boob?!?! I called two more places that came recommended by one of the places that doesn't do that anymore. One was an old hag that is apparently the holder of all new boobs and you must kiss her ass enough to qualify, ok, next. The machine picked up, but it was a really really nice message, so I will call again tomorrow and see if I can get someone. They have a website too and it looks really really promising! The machine answered most of my questions and that makes me think that they get quite a few calls like mine. Therefore, they will be the people to win my business, I think. Overall, people should be a little nicer when dealing with this. Do they think it is fun to call around and shop for a boob? Wouldn't that tell them that I am already down at least one, who would be so mean to someone with no boob? I chalk it up to Monday morning blues, no one wants to be back at work and sell some boobs. lets move on.

I call the pathology place, who is still waiting for payment, from October!, and beg them to not send me to collections. The bill is for about $1,000, and they really want to be paid. I don't blame them, but I have a second insurance that needs to pay before I start paying my portion. I have called them three times and made really good notes, thank God and Dad for telling me to keep really good notes, and was told each tome not to worry, they would wait for the insurance. They don't bill this particular insurance directly so, they wait for them a lot. But today, they no longer care and I go to collections in 10 days. I pay a little to avoid it, but I am hesitant to pay very much because then I will be out the $1000 and be waiting for reimbursement. Not to mention that I actually don't have $1,000 just sitting around doing nothing. I called my fav insurance guy, and he settles it in one day! Thanks Dan! He called me back less than 5 hours later, unheard of response time for insurance stuff, and said the check was going out today, OMG can you believe it?!, and that someone was calling the pathology place to let them know there is a payment coming. Yeah!!!!

Since I had to go to the Y to call insurance and fax the EOB, that's insurance talk for explanation of benefits, I got to see some friends and catch up on the latest happenings around the Y. I was about to go up to my office to get Dan's card and they told me the house was off limits! There are some leaking and ceiling falling problems. Who knows what my office looks like! It was nice to see everyone and laugh for a while. A 10 min visit turned into almost 2 hours :) I love the Y.

Also in insurance news, I added up all of the amounts billed to date, from October 3rd, my first Dr's appointment for the "lump", and the total is big! $116,386.42. All towards breast cancer fighting!

Ok, sooo, on to the next thing, Dr H! I really really like him, he is my oncologist, the big drug guy, the chemo man. He says things look good and he almost doesn't know what to do with me. I say be aggressive, B-E- Aggressive! So, Taxol is next, 4 doses every other week, so 8 weeks of chemo coming up. I start next Tuesday, March 31st. hmmm.... I asked for Tuesdays, instead of the Mondays they offered, so I can go bowling on Mondays, yeah! Radiation is a maybe, but I am voting for yes, I will not like it later, but right now I want to go for it! I would rather spend more time now getting it done than to come back in three years and have to do it all over again.
After that Heddi and I took our dogs for a walk downtown. Kona is such a good leash dog that I was able to hold her in my left hand and not have too much pain on my left side. I did get tired, but not until we got back to the truck. Tomorrow I need to handle my prescriptions and get all of those taken care of before I start chemo. Yeah, gotta love chemo, not really it's pretty yucky! But at least with my schedule I will feel good for Easter and the spaghetti feed, that is a true yeah!!

can't stop thinking about my doctors office

When I went in to my appointment yesterday I saw someone I know. She was there for a biopsy and I am so sad about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I remember sitting there for my biopsy and all of the things going through my mind. Being diagnosed was the hardest part of this entire thing. I really just thought I would curl up and be soooo depressed if I found out I had cancer. She was trying to not think about it so we talked about other stuff. I hope she is doing well and isn't in too much pain. Statistics on on her side, at the biopsy point it is still a good bet that it is not cancer. So she is on my mind and in my prayers! I think I will see her next week sometime and I can not wait to hear what the results are.

No more mouse in this pocket!

I had a follow up appointment today for my surgeon to remove my drain. He gave me a shot to numb me up, but I didn't even feel that. It will take a while for all of my nerve endings to grow back and to have full feeling in the area. So, I didn't feel a thing! It just felt like a lot of pressure being released from the area. I got to see the tube that has been inside of me and it looked weird but still kind of cool too. Now the shot is wearing off a little but it feels so much better! I can not wait until the swelling goes down some more it looks better and better everyday. :)
My doctor also said another patient of his had told him they had read my blog, I thought that was cool too. He couldn't tell me who it was because of confidentiality and he couldn't even confirm that he knew who I was to them, but i was happy to hear that people are reading it. I have been trying to figure out who it is, but nobody comes to mind. Of course it could be completely obvious too and I just can't think, that has been happening a lot lately. Oh and the mouse in the pocket title? I was going to draw little whiskers and a mouse ears on my drainage bulb to make it look like a mouse. ha ha ha. The tube would be the tail, can you picture it, funny huh? Oh and I got a prescription for my prosthetic so I get to go boob shopping next week, he even gave me a catalog today, sooooo funny! There are really all shapes and sizes!

Bowling for Boobies!!!

I am sooooo excited right now! I just heard from my friends at work and they are joining a bowling league! There are already 3 teams of us!!!! If you want to join in on all the fun, e-mail me. Phofe2774@yahoo.com here are some details; Monday nights at 6:30 starting May 11th for 14 weeks. (You gotta look at your own calendar, cause I was too excited to figure out all the dates before I started writing.) $11 a night, bring the money when you come. The proceeds go to Susan G. Komen and if you pay $5 more a week you get a breast cancer ball at the end of the league!!!! I am so excited right now I might burst, it will be so fun to see all of my friends every week! Let me know by Friday March 20th if you want to join a team or if you would like to be an alternate. YEAH BOWLING!

Post Surgery Doctors Appointment

I had my doctors appointment today and have good and bad news. The bad news is that the breast tissue had a lot of little cancer spots. The good news is that the margins are clear! Sooooo there will be no more surgeries on the left side!!!!!! I have been doing a lot of thinking about the right side and had decided it would be best to just have them remove it. After hearing the pathology report about the left side I will definitely be removing the right side. My doctor said that while there was no evidence of there being cancer on the right side right now it is not uncommon for there to be cancer 10 years later with a pathology report like mine. So, it's off with the right one too. After I finish the rest of treatment, chemo and maybe radiation, (i want both) I will have reconstruction that will include removing the right side as well. I did ask to meet with the plastic surgeon to start getting ideas and options for reconstruction. My doctor said it could take a month to get an appointment with him, so I really want to get in to see him! Wow!!!! I am so excited about my new rack!!!! Have a great night! I'm googling reconstructions!!! :)

yeah shower!

My first surgery was Feb 4th, the last one March 4th. After each surgery they tape you up and tell you no showers until the doctor removes the tape. So, I did some math and I think I have had 4 showers in the past month! I can sponge bathe, but that doesn't cut it when it has been nearly a month. People tell me I don't stink and they even say you look great. Ok, really people? I have hair that isn't even an inch long and one boob. My skin is broken out everywhere in tiny bumps, (I am allergic to the tape I have been wearing for the past 5 weeks) and I am on pain meds. I might not be hideous, but I know I don't "look great". It makes me laugh every time and I appreciate it, but they removed my boob not my brain... he he he.
Ok, I'm off to take another great half shower. Don't be jealous! :)

life after mastectomy

My memory after surgery and while I was in the hospital is riddled with holes. I was in and out of sleep and on morphine. I remember the recovery room. Usually I come in talking but this time my throat hurt and I was a little more tired. So I stayed quiet. The nurse asked me to take a deep breathe a few times, I had a mask, I am guessing oxygen. The clack was 6:30 the first time I remember looking at it. I think it was 7:00 when the movers came in. They were nice kids, 2 guys that looked about 17. They rolled me to my room. I remember realizing during the move that my boob had been removed. I wanted to look so bad but was afraid I might cry and the poor boys wouldn't know what to do, so I remember waiting. It was really hard to wait, and I was all drugged up so it was nearly impossible. I concentrated on where they were taking me so I could tell people where my room was. Once there they moved me onto my new bed and I had a few minuets before everything happened. I looked down and say a boob on one side and a very flat bandage on the other. It is amazing how much tummy I can see without a boob in the way. It was really weird getting used to it. When I put my hand to it, i naturally wanted to stop before I got all the way to the bandage, my hand was expecting to run into my boob and it never did. It took a few days for that to go away. Now when i reach up it kind of knows, but with the bandage and still being numb from surgery it is still funny. My plain t shirts look normal, it is kind of hard to tell in some of them really, but I put on a YMCA shirt today that has writing across the chest and it looks so weird! It catches my eye every time I look in the mirror. I have a temporary booby to slip in when i go someplace or when people come over, but it puts pressure on my surgery area so i prefer not to wear it. I thought it would take longer to get used to it, or that I would hate it. I don't hate it and I can actually see why some women prefer not to have reconstruction Life is so much easier without them, and I think I look thinner on that side.

just an update

This morning I woke up to a broken drainage bulb. Sucky! My doctor is not on call this weekend, and I think he is out of town for a few days, so I called his office expecting to get his answering service. It just rang and rang and rang. So I called the hospital, their number was on the drainage instruction sheet. They gave me the number to the answering service and the lady tells me I called the wrong number, even though she would still be the person helping me. I'm thinking does is matter? I'm just so happy to get someone on the phone that might be able to help me. I tell her the phone doesn't answer blah blah blah...... so she decides to go ahead and help me, even though I called the wrong number. I'm sure there must be a difference for her to even notice, but I really didn't feel like getting the run around. I just want my drainage bulb working well. Sooooo.... after many calls back and forth and some confusion, moments close to tears, a trip home and a trip to the hospital, I have a new bulb and it seems to be working well. Once I got it fixed I went to Redwood High School where my dad had his car in the Woodie show. It was nice to see him and the car looked so good. All of his friends were there and he seemed to be having a really good time. We walked around for a while and I probably didn't even see all of the cars, but that's ok. Wish Upon A Star was there and they are selling raffle tickets for a Harley Davidson, $10 a ticket or 11 tickets for $100. If you want tickets let me know or call them. There is a ton of time, but don't forget!
Ok, I'm going to go check some e-mails and rest a little more. I really liked moving around and even played a little Frisbee with Makenzie. (my doctor said I could do anything but play tennis or bowl with my left arm :))

Home Sweet Home

After what started out to be a really bad day, I got to go home. I was getting so irritable from lack of sleep, being hovered around by a ton of people, and having had no fresh air for three days. I really was about to go totally insane with it all. Then my doctor came walking in and let me go home! I am soooooooooooooo happy to be home. My own bed is the best thing ever. I am still high as a kite from the morphine with just a little bit of pain, 2 vicodin in and it is almost gone :) I think overall it was a good hospital stay but I am so thankful for my own bed, there's just no place like home! I will be resting and taking it easy for the next few days and then I will be up to my old ways, he he he! Have a great days! Love Janice

Feeling Good

I am feeling pretty good. I have been in a little pain, but not too bad. Sleeping is always difficult in the hospital and after surgery anyway. I was up almost all night and wasn't able to eat until today, so I am hungry and tired, but will be better soon. Morphine is my friend and takes away a lot of the pain. - have had some great visitors and had so much fun lughing and talking with them!!!! I was so happy to see them!!! It is kind of wierd to not be able to leave yet, so wierd. This is my first hospital stay and I am sure that the Broderick Pavilion is the best place if you have to be here. There are only 11 rooms and patients must meet some requirements to stay. One being you must be reasonably healthy, kind of a funny rule for staying at the hospital, but basicaly you can't be carrying cooties! Also you must be here for just a few nights, I think 3 at the most. Anyway, I love love love it! The rooms are big and the staff are really great! I am finally allowed to eat real food and am so excited! So, I just wanted to give a quick update, I can go home tomorrow or the next day. I don't have me lap top, so I am posting from the blackberry, love it! Much love- Janice
I just got home and couldn't remember what I wrote, clearly morphine is not the blogger's friend. All the mistakes are funny and really make me laugh, so I will leave it as it is and just enjoy how much the morphine did for me.

I did it! i made it through surgery and will here for a few days!

Going in

I am getting ready to go in right now and I couldn't feel better about it. I am in a very good state of mind and as prepared for this as possible. My body will forever be changed in a fairly drastic way, but my mind and soul belong to me, and God. It took some time to get here, but I think I am really here. I found my stages of anger or whatever its called today. Good timing huh? It made me feel even better about my emotional state and all of the processes (mood changes) I have gone through this past few days. My case management nurse called today and suggested I get counseling to accept this. She was so depressed sounding and full of so much pity I wanted to suggest the same for her. Don't get me wrong, there are moments where I wish I didn't have to do this, of course, and I do not rule out professional help in going through this at all. But for her to focus on that so much and that is the only bit of professional medical advice 2 hours before I go in? I want a new nurse, one that can be emotionally supportive instead of dead weight. Ok, moving on, my family has been really helpful in their continued support, and Heidi! Heidi has been such a great friend through all of this is amazing!
I will write again after surgery, but it might be a few days :) Love you all! Janice

2 days till surgery

I met with my doctor today and got some more info on my surgery. I will be staying at the Broderick Pavilion, sounds fancy, the nurse said it was very nice and like a hotel. I am excited that I will not be in general population next to sickies and near a bunch of hospital cooties. Surgery isn't until 3:30, check in at 1:30 so I plan on sleeping in as long as possible on Wednesday, my cell will be on quiet until I wake up. I can't eat or drink anything before surgery and sleeping through all those hours of hungriness makes it so much easier. Surgery will take an hour and a half, but I am sure it will be longer, so far they have all been longer. So many people have been so concerned and have been calling and e-mailing, it is like when I was first diagnosed. I love all of the support but am having a hard time getting back to everyone. If I don't get in touch with you before surgery, I will talk to you after. Thanks for all of the love and support, I couldn't do this without it.
There have been a ton of questions the most popular being 'how I am doing?' the second being 'what about the other one?' Well, I am doing ok, there have been some bad moments and some good moments. Altogether they have been mostly better. It is a pretty easy to accept when considering the options. Your life for a boob, who would gladly give it up. Actually doing it suck a little, but I will move forward and soon there will be a day when it isn't nearly as painful- both literally and emotionally. I have done a ton of research and I am glad there will be some time for me to heal- again both emotionally and physically- before reconstruction. Some of the survivor blogs I have read said it was really difficult to be happy with their reconstruction when they didn't mourn their real one first. Ok, the second question, as of right now the right one will stay where it is. There is absolutely no reason to take it off now, other than my own peace of mind and decisions that large are not being made this week :) I need to consult the rest of my medical team before making any permanent decisions. If it does need to come off it can go too, even if the only reason is because I don't trust it after it's twin went all crazy terrorist rebellious on me.
I dream of the day where my chest isn't covered in tape and the rash I get from it. Even the adhesive on band aids is removing skin and breaking out.