Gemzar is in!

Gemzar is the chemo I am taking right now and my first does is. It wasn't bad at all. It took about 30 min to get it all in and then of course they gave me steroids, no secret on how much I hate them- my face is already swollen- maybe it's not even possible- but I can tell! The real news is about my toe. I know that it seems like such a small deal compared to everything, but it sucks 100 times worse than chemo! My nail had to be removed and because I waited so long to go back to the doctor I had less than 24 hrs between nail removal and chemo. Chemo destroys cells, all cells, and that's good for cancer, but bad for healing and growing things like hair and nails- especially infected toe nails! The doctor gave me antibiotics because my toe was so infected-again because I waited so long, and those are making me feel worse than the chemo. So, I am happy with the chemo and other than some leg and hip aches the first night along with some heat flashes- which I can't blame all on the chemo- I haven't had any side effects. I was a little tired. Too tired to update my wedding RSVP's- one of my all time favorite things to do lately, so you know I was really tired! I was also too tired to blog, another one of my fav things to do. But I wanted to get an update on here so people know things are going well! But I could have been extra tired because I visited with my future in-laws and played with little Tony today too! Playing with little Tony can make anyone tired!!!

Chemo

Tomorrow is the big day! I start chemo to shrink the tumors in my lungs so I can breathe better. I hope they respond quickly and that the side effects are minimal. But it looks like this chemo is easier than the others I have been on so that, a good sign! I'll let you know how it goes.

New Plan

I met with my oncologists today and we have a new plan. Since there isn't fluid in my lungs, I now understand why they know that, we need a new way to make me breathe easier.... I like breathing and want to be able to breathe again. Technically I can breathe now, however I easily am out of breath. Walking and talking at the same time is almost impossible. So, the new plan is chemo. Chemo will shrink the tumors making room for my lungs to expand all the way. My right lung is blocked by tumors and there is no room for it to fully inflate. The chemo they are giving me has less side effects than the other chemos I have been on (YEAH!!!) including no hair loss! I did get my wigs out of there box in the closet yesterday because I kind of knew they would be wanting to do chemo and they all look great and are still in pretty good condition, the long one is my favorite and it is probably in the worst condition, but still wearable. I would probably get one more bob length one without the perma tease for volume like the others have. Sorry, I got off topic, anyway, I have the wigs just in case back on their mannequin head to take shape if in case I do need them. But it looks good that I will only have thinner hair, not a problem for me! Other than thinning hair the side effects are flu like symptoms and fatigue, anemic type problems and I am prone to that already. I suspect that I will tired and I can handle that. The nausea is treated with side effect medications, just like last time. We are just waiting for insurance approval to start the first round. Once I go through the first round I will know what days I will feel bad and can plan the big events in my life to land on good days! I am so happy there is something to make my breathing easier! After the chemo destroys the tumors that are in my chest wall making it difficult to breathe, then I will switch to a shot that helps control the estrogen made my adrenal and pituitary glands to keep the tumors from coming back. The good news is that my tumor markers are even less this week than 2 weeks ago and that my levels really responded to the removal of my ovaries. The last bit of good news and probably the biggest thing to be happy about is that no organs have any activity and the activity that appeared to be on the spine hasn't changed!

So Frustrated

The new lung doctor doesn't think there is fluid around my lungs. I still think that there is, last time it took forever for them to find it because it doesn't show up on any scans. He canceled my fluid drain tomorrow and even had my oncologist saying that it is the tumor activity that is causing the shortness of breath. Maybe it is, but the only thing that showed fluid last time was an ultrasound. I also don't like the way his nurse handled things today and he was supposed to call me and never did. More than anything I expect to be treated with respect and feel that I was not treated that way today. Plus I am really sad that if he is right and there is no fluid, tumors will be much more difficult to remove than fluid especially since they are not operable.
Tony surprised me with a dozen red roses and gummy bears! Mmmmm I love gummy bears soooo much!!!! And my PET scan results were so good and my tumor markers were good too and all of that is much better than some stupid doctor and his rude nurse!

PET Scan Results and Tumor Markers

I got the PET Scan results today and there is not a lot of new growth, that is good. Also, my tumor markers have dropped since I had my ovaries out, that's even better news! Happy Valentine's Day to me!!

No news yet

My doctor's office called and the preliminary results of my PET scan came in but the Dr didn't have time to read it before we went home. Hopefully he will be able to call me with some information tomorrow. I should get my lungs drained on Wednesday so I won't be able to come in and see him that day and preferably not the following days either....So my favorite option is for me to talk with him tomorrow. I don't always get what I want even though I push for it a lot! I will post as soon as know anything :)

PET Scan Today

Yep it's PET scan day. It's not a difficult scan at all but I guess an outside agency is now doing them instead of Kaweah so I am not really sure if there will be changes. So far I had a low card diet yesterday and a fast starting at 9:15 today with extra water at 11:00 AM. Not too bad. I like the fasts that you can drink liquids on much better than the "nothing to eat or drink after midnight" fasts I have to do before surgeries. Those are the worst! SO, the last PET scan I had was in September to determine where the cancer was. It came back showing that the chest wall was covered in little clusters of cancer cells.  We thought that it might be in the lung but it turned out to only be in the chest wall, possibly some lymph nodes, and a vertebrae and ribs. I can feel it in my back, ribs, and my whole right side. The pain comes from a much larger area than a few months ago. I remember just thinking I had a knot in my back I needed to have massaged out. Then it came to the front and I thought it was gallbladder. I could point with a finger where the pain was. Not I use my entire hand to show the area and even have to move it around to cover the entire area.

Today we are looking to compare the growth, look for new activity and to see if we can find anything treatable. Part of me hopes for something treatable, part of me hopes it's still too small to see very well! I should have results next week and will come back to share as soon as I can.

Other than that I'm having a pretty good week! Yesterday was a lunch date and J.Crew day! It's like a holiday without the traffic! Today our cake topper should be arriving! I'm having so much fun!!!

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Lung Update

My lung doctor is still out, completely understandable! However, my lungs don't seem to care and it is getting more difficult to breathe and to get comfortable. So I saw a new doctor, in the same office. I feel like I am cheating on my doctor. And as much as I liked the doctor I saw today, I will go back to my regular doctor as soon as he is ready to come back to work. It was nice to see his staff and get an update on him and his family, I think about them constantly.
Ok, so I am tentatively scheduled to get the fluid around my lungs drained next Wednesday. I look forward to the easy breathing but dread the pain of my lungs expanding. Last time it took about three days. And my toe is still completely infected so I hopefully will be able to go back to the foot dr before I get my lungs drained. I should be good as new in no time! I'm so tired of all the pain and not being able to get comfortable. It really makes me cranky!

Getting new pictures!

New chest x ray today! I'm going to ask to see how much fluid is in there! I hope they will let me see! Sometimes they are really cool about it and sometimes they will only let the doctor me about it.

Thank God for Pleasant Distractions

This has been a pretty difficult week for me. Emotionally and physically. One of my doctors lost his daughter to cancer this week, lymphoma. She was just a little younger than I am. I'm so sad for him and the whole situation is a little too close for comfort. I never had the pleasure of meeting her but we share a mutual friend and she worked at camp. I read some of her blogs and writings last night and felt like I really would have liked her. Her blogs made me laugh out loud and I could really relate to her being a cancer bride, her hospital humor, and her loss of "normal" life that replaced by the life of a full time patient. I wish I could have known her and feel for her friends and family. Her obituary is beautiful and so well written. I am sure her dad, one of my favorite doctors, will need to and should take some time off of work and that makes me sad because I know him and trust him so much that it will be difficult to see someone else while he is out. I can't wait to see him again and I have been thinking about him so much. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, I want him to take that time off, and I'm ok going to someone else in the meantime, but I will miss him and appreciate his care and treatment. I can wait and see him again in a few months :)

Physically, I hurt. My ribs hurt in front and back, on the left and the right sides. I wake up in pain and spend my day avoiding things that will cause more pain. I have pain medications that work well enough to take care of it, but I don't like feeling so out of it. While I am still getting used to the dosage increase I probably don't take them as much as I should, clearly not enough to take care of all of the pain. Today I almost dropped some keys but was able to catch them against my stomach before they fell all the way but just catching them felt like I had punched in the gut. I can't wait to see the new PET scan so I can see whats going on in there.

And then.... My toe freaking hurts! 2 years ago, right after I finished cancer treatment the first time, I got an infection in my big toe nail. They had to take off my entire toe nail and it took forever for it to grow back. I was pretty pissed. I had no hair, one boob or somewhere in between having no or two new boobs- I can't remember- and then they took my toe nail off! UGH! Then this time it is right after they take my ovaries, it is almost like there is some force denying me the right to be girly! Well, I am fighting it with long hair, make up every day, good smells, pink everything and everything else I can battle it with! In the mean time I went to the doctor (loved her! And my auntie works there so it was even better!!) last week, at the first sign of infection, hoping that I caught it in time to save my toe nail. It's not looking so great. I have been trying everything I can to treat the infection but I don't think I can save it. It brings back bad memories from last time and it rules out a ton of pretty open toe sandal options! And the new doc said no more rock star toes! UGH!!! I hate it!!! Maybe this is a lesson in vanity, but really?!?! haven't I had enough? Maybe I should re-evaluate what I learned or didn't learn and re approach this.

Tony and my dad make my days so fun and all of the planning really is such a good distraction! I think I will feel better when I get my the fluid around my lungs drained again. I try to stay focused on the good things and all of the blessings in my life and I don't think I have stopped, but this week has been a little more difficult than most and I'll be glad when I get to spend the weekend with Tony and just enjoy his company! He takes such good care of me he has completely spoiled me, I love it!!! I love him too!

Also, I got a few more notices that I qualified for law school. I love getting those, even though I am not going to go, it makes me feel good.  :)  if anything I will continue my masters, I think I ended up in the program that was best for me!