Tumor Marker Update

I just called the doctor's office to get the results from my last blood draw. I thought I could go with no news is good news but I couldn't wait anymore!! And.... It was good news! In September they were 5.2 and 13.6 and now, drawn on November 6th, they are 4.1 and 11.4 respectively. Yeah!!!! If you have been praying, please keep doing so, I'm not sure how or why this is happening to me, I'm very grateful and don't want it to change!!

PET scan results!!!

So first let me start with apologizing that I lied. I have been telling everyone that I wouldn't get my PET scan results until October 9th. Usually on result day I am anxious, so are my friends and family. That results in a flood of texts and calls that can be overwhelming on top of my already anxiety ridden state. So, I lied. I bought myself an extra week just in case it took me a little while to get used to the news and to be able to actually say it aloud. That's usually when reality of these results hit, when I hear myself say them. So to give myself some time to accept the results and get over the news, I lied. I really went in today for the results. And they were amazing!!!! Absolutely amazing!!! I'm still in shock. The PET scan picks up any active cancer cell, mine showed none. There was not one cell light up light a star. My doctor showed me the results compared to the lat PET scan, the previous scan was light up like the milky way with cancer cells everywhere but concentrated in and around my right lung. The most recent scan just showed a bunch of organs and bones. Nothing was light up. The doctor read the report to me, and I couldn't grasp it, it didn't make scene. It didn't sound like the other reports describing where and how bad the cancer was. So I asked her what she was saying what did it mean? Everything was in slow motion and I was trying so hard to figure out what words she was even saying. Then she said plain as day, there are no active cancer cells. Wait! What? No active cancer cells. Like no new cancer cells? No, there are no active cancer cells at all, anywhere. Oh my God! What does that mean? How did that happen? Ok, let's break it down.... It means that if I have any cancer cells in me, they are dormant. Like a dormant volcano. At any time they can "wake up" and start reeking havoc again, but for now, they are sleeping. Let's hope they aren't sleeping and they are in fact dead and gone! But just in case they are only sleeping and one of them does decide to wake up, the doctors are putting me on a hormone therapy that will block any estrogen made from the pituitary and adrenal glands. Since my cancer is fed by estrogen, this plan should starve any cell that "wakes up". The doctors don't know how long I will remain in this state, but of course we hope for a long long time. She said it could be a month or years. I would describe my attitude as positively apprehensive. While I am beyond excited and hopeful that this will last many years, I am apprehensive. The cancer cell I had was very aggressive and came back only 2 years after I was in remission. The doctors were very clear that they do not consider this remission. How did this happen? A miracle. Truly, this is the only answer I have. The doctors didn't expect this good of results, and my doctor has never seen results like this herself. She has heard of cases similar and talked of a man that transferred in to the cancer center I go to and said that he had 3 months of dormant cells before he had to return to treatment. What happens now? Well, I need to build my strength up. I am really out of shape. I have not exercised in a year. My lungs have a lot of scar tissue, which is why I still can't breathe well and the scar tissue can cause pain. After a few weeks of being off of chemo I will have a better idea of what pain was from chemo and what was from the scar tissue. So I will continue with my pain management routine and slowly get back in shape. I'm going to look into master programs that I can complete in Visalia. I had just started my masters when I was diagnosed last year and haven't even completed a units yet, so switching programs shouldn't be too difficult. Needless to say, my family and friends are beyond excited and grateful. There are so many people praying for me and I know that all of those prayers have made this happen. I'm not sure if it is quantity or quality, so if you have been praying, please don't stop now! I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and enjoy a full day of being cancer free.... Every day for over a year the back of my mind has been completely focused on cancer and the fact that I had a 1% chance of living 2 years. I guess those stats haven't really changed, but my cancer status has and I can't wait to live without cancer! God is amazing and I am so grateful! Thank you for every prayer and well wish, they have all made a difference.

PET scan update

So, I got my scan done on September 20th and should have results by next week, October 9th. People ask if the doctor would call me if there was major news, I doubt it. Since remission is unlikely, by unlikely I mean it would take a miricale from God- and I'm not ruling that out!- but it is unlikely, the bad news has been delivered and the plan is to treat my symptoms. So, the doctor will probably not be calling to change the appointment. I love that people are always trying to read the doctors actions, or lack of action to predict results. One thing I have learned through all of this is that there is no predicting what they are going to say. I can not change the results, I have to prepare myself for anything and I always hope for the best. I still hope to hear wow! Sorry we made the biggest mistake and you just have pneumonia. Wouldn't that be great?!?! I pray for that often, but it hasn't happened, yet! So I will keep you posted and as soon as I get the news, I will be posting all of the details. In other news.... My 20 year high school reunion is coming up!!! Amazing! Megan is flying in to visit for the week and I couldn't be more excited!! I love spending time with all of my friends and Megan lives so far away that I haven't seen her since I was diagnosed last year. We are going to have the best time together and the reunion should be nice too! I even took a week off from chemo so I won't be sore and all drugged up when she comes! In other other news.... Did you notice that an entire year has passed?!?! I'm pretty happy about that! Before I was diagnosed, the Stanford doctors reminded me that if in we're to have a reoccurrence that the survival rate is 1% in 2 years. So having already passed a year I am very happy! I hope to pass the 2 year mark just as smoothly! I live spending time with my family and friends so much! I don't like when I can't get around to see all if them and right now I feel very behind in visiting with many of them. What a problem to have right?!? Too many friends an family! Ha! That's my favorite problem to have! Love you! Janice XOXO

Latest Dr Visit

I see my oncologist on day 1 of every chemo session. Each session is three weeks or 21 days long, I get chemo on day one and day seven, so once a week for the first two weeks, and then the last week is recovery. So days 8-21 are spent getting over the chemo. Day 3 & 4 and day 10 & 11 or Thursday - Friday after getting chemo on Tuesday are pretty sucky and painful. But the rest of the days, I feel pretty good. I am tired and sleep more, but there are some days I feel absolutely wonderful and some days that are just ok. So on my last day 1, or first chemo appointment, my doctor did the regular physical examination and asked how I was doing. I have a new cough, it could be allergies, but we all agreed it is something to keep our eye on. Of course the next day, I suddenly stopped coughing. Maybe my doctor prays for me too! :) Either way I am happy it seems to be at least random and not progressively getting worse as I thought for the last 2 weeks. This appointment also marked 6 full months of chemo. Wow! I never thought I would be able to do that! Never! I am really proud of myself. When I first heard my doctors wanted me on chemo, they said three months. I said ok, reluctantly.... The longest stretch I had pulled of before was 8 weeks. I never thought I would be able to do 12 weeks! But of course, I needed to do something to control the tumors taking up room in my chest cavity, I needed to make room for my lungs to expand with air. So I agreed to 3 months while inside I was really worried if I would be able to pull it off. Now at 6 months, double what I thought I might, just might, be able to do, I am hoping for more! Keep it coming! Keep me breathing! I LOVE breathing!!! When I first started chemo, I could barley take a deep breath. I would get winded so easily. I remember being out of breath opening gifts at my bridal shower. I have never seen anyone out of breath from opening gifts! Maybe it was all the awesome gifts, or maybe it was that I just couldn't breathe. Anyway, I can breathe much better now (if you want to you can send me gifts to test the theory, my day is only a week away, just sayin') and my tumor markers are staying within normal ranges. They do go up and down and all around, but as long as they stay relatively normal, my doctors and I are happy. They did order a new PET scan. Last year, today- September 13, was the day I had my PET scan that showed my doctor all the terribleness. He described it as non-operable and non-treatable. While I still hope that something pops up in the world of cancer treatment that will make him eat those words, we will continue to treat the symptoms and pray that the tumors stay small and out of major organs. I will post as soon as I have the results from the PET scan, for now it's not even scheduled. It usually takes a week or two to get in and then another week or two to read. I also have to wait about 5 business days for prior authorization from insurance.
Ok, that's all for today! I hope you have a great one!
- I didn't re-read for errors, sorry- but I need a nap, maybe I will read it later and fix any mistakes....

My New Obsession

Nails! I can't get enough of them! Here are a few inspiration pics......




















and now some of my own work.... Its not perfect, but I am having so much fun playing and switching it up.

Readings and learning to deal while staying positive

I've been looking up stuff on dying. Things to help me express myself better. Today for the first time I was able to say out loud some of my most personal thoughts on passing away. It was hard and I cried a little, but it felt so good to say. My mom has such a hard time with all of this, understandable. However, her reaction has been so hurtful, that I decided not to continue our relationship without some kind of professional help. I just came across the paragraphs below and it was so clear to me as to why I felt it is necessary to make such a difficult decision. It's not easy to not have positive support from my mom right now, but she is going through something just as difficult as I am, maybe more difficult. I love her dearly, but I can't be around such negativity and hurtful behavior. ........................................ Accept Your Response to the Illness Each person responds to news of terminal illness in his or her unique way. You, too, will have your own response, be it fear, excitement, anger, loss, grief, denial, hope or any combination of emotions. Becoming aware of how you respond right now is to discover how you will live with your terminal illness. Don’t let others prescribe how you feel; find people who encourage you to teach them how you feel. After all, there is no right or wrong way for you to think and feel. http://www.hospicenet.org/html/help_yourself.html

it's been way too long!

Wow, I haven't written in forever! Sorry! Nothing has really changed, which is the reason I haven't blogged. No news is good news I guess. I have been on a few wonderful vacations in the meantime and have had a really nice summer. I guess not working is really all that it's said to be. Except for the cash flow that is..... Ok Vaca number 1 was to New York for 10 days with my dad. 5 days in upstate visiting my sister and her family, Niagra falls and the finger lakes area. It was wonderful. Then we had a full 5 days in New York City! I absolutely loved the city! I could live there. I mean seriously, I wish I would have gone sooner, I think I would have tried to go to college there or somehow at least lived a year there. It's the most amazing place I have ever been, and I've been to some cool places. I'll try and get some pics up this week. Tony and I went to LA this past weekend to catch a Dodger game and spend some time around lala land, I love Santa Monica. I loved it so much. But mostly I loved spending time with the hubs! The rest of the time I've been getting chemo and recovering from it as much as I can before I go back for more. Lately my biggest complaint is the white blood cell booster shot. It causes so much physical pain for days and it sucks! The pain and other side effects from chemo have been pretty well managed but I can't find anything that will even touch the muscle pain I get from that booster shot. My nurses have been trying everything to help with a solution too and still nothing. So if you happen to know what helps muscle pain from nuprogen shots, I'd love to hear about it. Bone pain is more common, but i dont have that and if I did have i, its been fixed. So far I've tried oxy, aleve, Tylenol, Advil, cold shower, hot shower, laying still, stretching, clarion d, anxiety medication- pain and aciety go together like peanut butter and jelly! And finally, lots of water..... I just had a thought, one more thing to try, and I get a shot tomorrow that I can try my idea on, wish me luck! But I think it just might work, I'll keep you posted.

I heart zofran!

I have been doing much better thanks to zofran. I can eat, I'm not sick all day and I don't get as tired as I did with the other side effect medication. My tumor markers look good, my breathing sounds good- according to my doctor- and I have decent energy. Granted I don't do much, but I have been feeling well enough to enjoy time with friends and family and that really is the point of all of this.

routine.....

So life has been pretty routine lately. I get chemo on Tuesday, white blood cell booster shots on Wednesday and Friday and I do that two weeks in a row and then have a week off. I spend the other days getting over the treatments and enjoying my friends and family.  There are days that are wonderful and days that are totally sucky, but we are getting through them the best we can and having as much fun as possible along the way. Not much else is happening but i wanted to update for the regular readers that are wondering whats new! :)

Again!

I'm still not feeling very well. Better but not back to my regular self yet. And tonight when I tired to pick up my prescriptions, I found out that my insurance is not working again!!!! Ugh!!!! I can't wait to wake upon the morning to make these phone calls!!!! I get nearly $1,000 worth of percripstions a month, not counting stuff they give me at the doctors office, why can't they keep this straight? And because I haven't been feeling well I didn't try to get them until today and I don't have enough to get through the weekend. I really hope they can fix it tomorrow and I hope I don't loose it and yell at people. I'm seriously over this being a problem.

Blah

I haven't felt very good this week and I'm starting to get frustrated. There are so many things I would like to be doing but instead, I've been sleeping most of the time for most of the week. Hopefully next week will be better. I'm going back to bed :)

back from our first mini-moon

What the heck is a mini-moon? It's a miniature honeymoon. For those of us that need to save vacation time for medical issues and children. We can pack a lot of fun into one weekend at a time and take like 3 or 4 different mini honeymoons!!! I loved our first two! The first was a dodger game and dinner in La La land. Way fun! In face we will repeat that city if I have any say and I do because my husband is a firm believer in "A happy wife, is a happy life!"

The second and most recent was a weekend in Vegas. We chose to drive and it was actually much easier on me physically than flying since I didn't have to maneuver the airport and wait for a taxi etc etc. The traffic wasn't bad and we even purposely drove an hour out of the way to see the beautiful dessert.

The details of the next one are being worked out and I can't wait to share some pictures, something we learned from the first two that we need to take more of.

Giuliana & Bill

Wow! I have never watched it, but I recorded most of the episodes that share their cancer story and it's so close to everything I went through and still am going through. This time is different, but the last round was so much of the same thing. I love that she is using her celebrity for good and sharing her story so honestly and Bill too. It definitely effects your spouse and I can see so much on Tony in Bill. They have said so many of the same things and I can relate to so much of it. Who knows, maybe I will get a baby too!! Wouldn't that be amazing!
I love and hate to watch it, I am living it already so to see it just makes me remember what I am going through already, but I love to watch it because she reminds me that I not alone and the only one going through this.

rqndom thought of the day

Coscto carries caskets.

The one I like has about has 10 reviews....... hmmmmm

Really I get it, but it is a little odd to think about at first.

Carry on

But they are very nice caskets, not sure where I would put it, but I think I might get one- they should store well.... right?

Ok, now, back to whatever you were doing, I'm sure I will have more to post soon   :)

Insurance Frustrations

I have spent a lot of time and energy making sure that my insurances transferred over and now it turns out that something didn't go so well with cobra and I am currently inactive on my health insurance. Not exactly something that someone in my situation wants to hear. I had chemo on Tuesday and had to bring all of my cobra papers to prove that I am in fact covered right now. Thankfully my cancer center gave me treatment. They didn't have to and it could have really screwed up my chemo schedule especially since I just came off of a two week break. I can feel my lungs becoming more restricted and I was really looking forward to getting chemo. They also went ahead and approved my white blood cell booster shot that will keep me well and out of the hospital. The downside is that there is no convincing the pharmacy that I really do have insurance and so my two refills and two new prescriptions are sitting unfilled. I was really looking forward to the two new medications that will help with two side effects that have been very irritating since October! The other two medications are pain pills and I absolutely will not be able to function without them. My insurance broker has offered to buy them tomorrow if my insurance is not fixed by then since I will run out tomorrow evening. This gesture reminds me of why I love working with the groups I have worked with for almost 20 years. I love these people, I have built relationships with them and I know they are working hard to make things right. I couldn't let him buy it today in case it works out by tomorrow, but by tomorrow when I am out of pain medication I will have no problem accepting help to get the medications I need. I just wish it would have worked right the first time.

Heartburn with no Heart!

I hate heartburn. It should not have the word heart it in, it should be chestburn, or just some other stupid name. I do not 'heart' it at all!
That's all I got. I hate it, it keeps me awake, there is no relief, I hate it. Food doesn't even sound good, only frozen yogurt and I just don't think I can eat only frozen yogurt, I mean I can try, I did work at TCBY in high school and ate a LOT of it then :) I guess I could go back to my high school food ways, but that doesn't sound like I would feel very good..... hmmm..... I guess I'll go eat more tums and try to go to sleep, good night!

But, I am so looking forward to our wedding dinner! mmmmm our food is going to be soooooo good! We picked a wonderful caterer and delicious food! I have been craving it since we taste tested it and now we are only a little over a week away from eating it for real!!!!

No Chemo Scheduled until April 10th so there is really only one thing to talk about.....

THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!
I had my last chemo on March 20th and was given two weeks off for good behavior! Well, not really, I wish it worked like that! But I was given two weeks off, so that I can feel good for the wedding!!! Last week I spent most of the days recuperating from chemo. I had a low fever and was pretty nauseated. Much more than before, so I ate what sounded good, life cereal, and stayed away from anything that didn't sound good- chores and bills! But this week, I feel much better! I was able to actually to get out of bed and do fun stuff this weekend. SO today I was in full wedding mode and it was a very productive day! I sent in my numbers to the caterer and the venue. Over 90% of our guests responded that they would be attending! I have been pretty stressed about fitting them all in the room and feeding everyone, until today. Today I got a lesson in perspective. I have been dreading calling in the numbers to the venue since we are over our contracted number. When I explained that we had so many yes's, her first comment was Congratulations! I thought, wow, she's right! This is a blessing! I can not wait to be in a room full of people that love us and support us. So, I gave up my table arrangement dreams and said however we can fit them in is fine with me, we will spread out the centerpieces the best we can, the table runners may or may not be on every table and may or may not be the same size as each other, but our guests will be seated and our guests will be fed!I called everyone that needed to know and spread the good news, we are having a big wedding! And we love it!
Then I picked up my finished, pressed, and gorgeous wedding dress!!! Yeah!!!!
Then I finished my thank you notes from my shower- I had to wait until today because the new cherry blossom stamps came out today and they matched my shower.
Then I completed 20 yards of very special wedding garland!
I still have to make table runners, send my photographer some specific shots (Hi Megan!), and make at least another 20 yards of garland (preferably 60) along with another 30 favors, but I have almost 2 weeks to get it all done!

More Chemo! 2 Weeks in a row!

I got another dose of chemo yesterday. I wasn't sure if I was suppssed to or not. I thought my chemo nurse said I was off this week, but I think she said she was off this week. When we arrived, sure enough, she was in Hawaii! I'm can't wait to hear all about her trip!!! Next time I go in will be after the wedding, but I think i will only bring in a pic or two so we can talk about Hawaii. I love Hawaii sooooo much!!!! I wish she could hav taken me or at least let me fly over for some chemo! Wow!

Ok so back to the chemo talk... I like Hawaii talk better! Tonight was one of the hardest nights I've had on it and I still feel so good! I almost lost my dinner but I think that was because I tried to burp when I was bent over. That could happen to anybody really! I think most of that was because I forgot to take my brand new chemo kit that my wonderful friend Codie and her son Jackson dropped of for me. It was full of all of my favorite chemo candies!! Jackson's too! I take a ton of candy with me to cover the taste of the chemo. I can actually taste it from the iv injection. One day I even burped it up all afternoon. I would really like to know how that happens! How do I get so off topic?!? Ok, final thought... I am interested to see how the chemo feels with two weeks of it in a row.

Some other things happening... I got the first draft of my will in the mail yesterday. It was too hard and it made me cry. I just ate thinking about it. I called my sister nd asked her to start making a list of any items that are meaningful to her and the girls. That's super sucky! Then I'm trying to switch over my life insurance policy from the group policy to a policy a pay for myself and it's not going as smoothly as I had hoped. I just want it to be done and for them to cash that check already. I have people that can help me get it resolved but I hope it doesn't need that much energy. Ugh!

Finally.... The wedding is weeks away!!!! Weeks!!! Less than three!!! In fact I won't even get any more chemo until after the wedding! Hows that for excitement! The bridal shower was this past weekend and my one girl bridal team was amazing!!! It was so nice, I still can't believe that it was all for me. I wish I had been feeling better that day but I still had a fabulous time!

Ok, final final thought. Who knew there were so many different types if heartburn? Last time I was on chemo I had heartburn. The kind that feels like some hot ass elephant is sitting on your chest. The same feeling you get after eating too much wonderfully hot salsa. But this time I get heartburn that feels like I scratched my esophagus. I walked around for two days, one of them my shower not able to eat or drink hardly anything because it was so uncomfortable. Then someone at the shower was talking about it being like the heartburn they felt while pregnant. I bought tums that night and felt like a champ minutes later! I guess knowing really is half the battle, thanks GI Joe!

Seriously, this is my last thought before I try and go back to sleep.... How about those thin mints! I am living them beyond right now! They cool my belly and taste so yummy! I got an ice cream maker the other day at my shower (thanks aunt sherry and cuz Andrea) and I can not wait to make thin mint ice cream! I ended up buying about 6 boxes this year! I still might grab a few more for Tony's house too ;)

Thanks for listening to me ramble.... And this was all from my phone so I haven't spell checked it yet, I'll get to that in a few days but right now the oxy and I don't really have too much concern about spelling and grammar. Goodnight :)

Proud of my white blood cells!

My white blood cells are back! So I yesterday I was able to get more chemo. My dad had eye surgery that morning, he is very happy that he no longer needs glasses!, so Tony got to go with me! I loved introducing him to my Dr and all the nurses. He has been to so many other appointments with me it was nice that he got to see how the chemo works. So far I feel good, the Dr recommended some stuff for my lung pain and that seems to be working well and my sleep seems to be off a little but hopefully I can get that back to normal before this weekend!
So today I got a text to check out this story about a bride that reminded them of me! I thought ok, what could this be! And I loved the story! The story talked about a bride to be shaving her head and while I will have hair for my wedding, my own head shaving seemed to a lot like hers! Lot's of hair styles and then finally gone! But it was a happy experience, just as hers seems to have been! And I agree with the stress! There has been very little wedding stress! I'm just so happy to marry Tony that nothing else really matters! My mom's little "Jokes" have been less than funny to say the least but the typical wedding stuff doesn't seem to be stressing me out. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46724913#.T2Dv0oePW-Z

No Chemo For You! (In my best soup nazi voice)

I went in today to get my second dose of chemo. I called yesterday and added a quick Dr visit so they could listen to my lung on the left side. Most of my cancer stuff in on the right side so when I had severe, like took oxy around the clock- almost called in for morphine pain, lung pain on the right side I kind of panicked. It started like gas pain, and I refuse to go to the doctor because I have to fart. So, I dealt with it. Three days later, and no serious gas passing, I was still in pain and now had a crinkling feeling when I breathe an it gets worse when I lay down. So other than this lung pain I felt ok this week. I had two nights of low fever and not a lot of appetite but that's ok too. So today I went in to get my next dose and before anything they always check my blood. Katrina, my chemo nurse came back in and broke the news, no chemo for you today! Wow, ok. She explained the levels and you need 1500 minimum to receive chemo, I am at 600. They ordered some white blood cell booster shots, it takes 5 business day for insurance to approve these things so I can';t get them right away. Thankfully I am already on an antibiotic for my toe so I am protected a little from getting sick. But if I do get sick, a fever or anything I have to call right away and they will probably put me on a stronger antibiotic. I will hopefully be well enough to get some more chemo next week :)

And the lung pain. They ordered a chest x-ray to rule out anything crazy, but they think that my lung became inflamed and was rubbing against my chest wall. It's hard for them to know especially since I felt great today and didn't have pain! They have a plan to treat it and now we just wait for it come back, I'm of course voting that it doesn't!!!

Gemzar is in!

Gemzar is the chemo I am taking right now and my first does is. It wasn't bad at all. It took about 30 min to get it all in and then of course they gave me steroids, no secret on how much I hate them- my face is already swollen- maybe it's not even possible- but I can tell! The real news is about my toe. I know that it seems like such a small deal compared to everything, but it sucks 100 times worse than chemo! My nail had to be removed and because I waited so long to go back to the doctor I had less than 24 hrs between nail removal and chemo. Chemo destroys cells, all cells, and that's good for cancer, but bad for healing and growing things like hair and nails- especially infected toe nails! The doctor gave me antibiotics because my toe was so infected-again because I waited so long, and those are making me feel worse than the chemo. So, I am happy with the chemo and other than some leg and hip aches the first night along with some heat flashes- which I can't blame all on the chemo- I haven't had any side effects. I was a little tired. Too tired to update my wedding RSVP's- one of my all time favorite things to do lately, so you know I was really tired! I was also too tired to blog, another one of my fav things to do. But I wanted to get an update on here so people know things are going well! But I could have been extra tired because I visited with my future in-laws and played with little Tony today too! Playing with little Tony can make anyone tired!!!

Chemo

Tomorrow is the big day! I start chemo to shrink the tumors in my lungs so I can breathe better. I hope they respond quickly and that the side effects are minimal. But it looks like this chemo is easier than the others I have been on so that, a good sign! I'll let you know how it goes.

New Plan

I met with my oncologists today and we have a new plan. Since there isn't fluid in my lungs, I now understand why they know that, we need a new way to make me breathe easier.... I like breathing and want to be able to breathe again. Technically I can breathe now, however I easily am out of breath. Walking and talking at the same time is almost impossible. So, the new plan is chemo. Chemo will shrink the tumors making room for my lungs to expand all the way. My right lung is blocked by tumors and there is no room for it to fully inflate. The chemo they are giving me has less side effects than the other chemos I have been on (YEAH!!!) including no hair loss! I did get my wigs out of there box in the closet yesterday because I kind of knew they would be wanting to do chemo and they all look great and are still in pretty good condition, the long one is my favorite and it is probably in the worst condition, but still wearable. I would probably get one more bob length one without the perma tease for volume like the others have. Sorry, I got off topic, anyway, I have the wigs just in case back on their mannequin head to take shape if in case I do need them. But it looks good that I will only have thinner hair, not a problem for me! Other than thinning hair the side effects are flu like symptoms and fatigue, anemic type problems and I am prone to that already. I suspect that I will tired and I can handle that. The nausea is treated with side effect medications, just like last time. We are just waiting for insurance approval to start the first round. Once I go through the first round I will know what days I will feel bad and can plan the big events in my life to land on good days! I am so happy there is something to make my breathing easier! After the chemo destroys the tumors that are in my chest wall making it difficult to breathe, then I will switch to a shot that helps control the estrogen made my adrenal and pituitary glands to keep the tumors from coming back. The good news is that my tumor markers are even less this week than 2 weeks ago and that my levels really responded to the removal of my ovaries. The last bit of good news and probably the biggest thing to be happy about is that no organs have any activity and the activity that appeared to be on the spine hasn't changed!

So Frustrated

The new lung doctor doesn't think there is fluid around my lungs. I still think that there is, last time it took forever for them to find it because it doesn't show up on any scans. He canceled my fluid drain tomorrow and even had my oncologist saying that it is the tumor activity that is causing the shortness of breath. Maybe it is, but the only thing that showed fluid last time was an ultrasound. I also don't like the way his nurse handled things today and he was supposed to call me and never did. More than anything I expect to be treated with respect and feel that I was not treated that way today. Plus I am really sad that if he is right and there is no fluid, tumors will be much more difficult to remove than fluid especially since they are not operable.
Tony surprised me with a dozen red roses and gummy bears! Mmmmm I love gummy bears soooo much!!!! And my PET scan results were so good and my tumor markers were good too and all of that is much better than some stupid doctor and his rude nurse!

PET Scan Results and Tumor Markers

I got the PET Scan results today and there is not a lot of new growth, that is good. Also, my tumor markers have dropped since I had my ovaries out, that's even better news! Happy Valentine's Day to me!!

No news yet

My doctor's office called and the preliminary results of my PET scan came in but the Dr didn't have time to read it before we went home. Hopefully he will be able to call me with some information tomorrow. I should get my lungs drained on Wednesday so I won't be able to come in and see him that day and preferably not the following days either....So my favorite option is for me to talk with him tomorrow. I don't always get what I want even though I push for it a lot! I will post as soon as know anything :)

PET Scan Today

Yep it's PET scan day. It's not a difficult scan at all but I guess an outside agency is now doing them instead of Kaweah so I am not really sure if there will be changes. So far I had a low card diet yesterday and a fast starting at 9:15 today with extra water at 11:00 AM. Not too bad. I like the fasts that you can drink liquids on much better than the "nothing to eat or drink after midnight" fasts I have to do before surgeries. Those are the worst! SO, the last PET scan I had was in September to determine where the cancer was. It came back showing that the chest wall was covered in little clusters of cancer cells.  We thought that it might be in the lung but it turned out to only be in the chest wall, possibly some lymph nodes, and a vertebrae and ribs. I can feel it in my back, ribs, and my whole right side. The pain comes from a much larger area than a few months ago. I remember just thinking I had a knot in my back I needed to have massaged out. Then it came to the front and I thought it was gallbladder. I could point with a finger where the pain was. Not I use my entire hand to show the area and even have to move it around to cover the entire area.

Today we are looking to compare the growth, look for new activity and to see if we can find anything treatable. Part of me hopes for something treatable, part of me hopes it's still too small to see very well! I should have results next week and will come back to share as soon as I can.

Other than that I'm having a pretty good week! Yesterday was a lunch date and J.Crew day! It's like a holiday without the traffic! Today our cake topper should be arriving! I'm having so much fun!!!

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Lung Update

My lung doctor is still out, completely understandable! However, my lungs don't seem to care and it is getting more difficult to breathe and to get comfortable. So I saw a new doctor, in the same office. I feel like I am cheating on my doctor. And as much as I liked the doctor I saw today, I will go back to my regular doctor as soon as he is ready to come back to work. It was nice to see his staff and get an update on him and his family, I think about them constantly.
Ok, so I am tentatively scheduled to get the fluid around my lungs drained next Wednesday. I look forward to the easy breathing but dread the pain of my lungs expanding. Last time it took about three days. And my toe is still completely infected so I hopefully will be able to go back to the foot dr before I get my lungs drained. I should be good as new in no time! I'm so tired of all the pain and not being able to get comfortable. It really makes me cranky!

Getting new pictures!

New chest x ray today! I'm going to ask to see how much fluid is in there! I hope they will let me see! Sometimes they are really cool about it and sometimes they will only let the doctor me about it.

Thank God for Pleasant Distractions

This has been a pretty difficult week for me. Emotionally and physically. One of my doctors lost his daughter to cancer this week, lymphoma. She was just a little younger than I am. I'm so sad for him and the whole situation is a little too close for comfort. I never had the pleasure of meeting her but we share a mutual friend and she worked at camp. I read some of her blogs and writings last night and felt like I really would have liked her. Her blogs made me laugh out loud and I could really relate to her being a cancer bride, her hospital humor, and her loss of "normal" life that replaced by the life of a full time patient. I wish I could have known her and feel for her friends and family. Her obituary is beautiful and so well written. I am sure her dad, one of my favorite doctors, will need to and should take some time off of work and that makes me sad because I know him and trust him so much that it will be difficult to see someone else while he is out. I can't wait to see him again and I have been thinking about him so much. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, I want him to take that time off, and I'm ok going to someone else in the meantime, but I will miss him and appreciate his care and treatment. I can wait and see him again in a few months :)

Physically, I hurt. My ribs hurt in front and back, on the left and the right sides. I wake up in pain and spend my day avoiding things that will cause more pain. I have pain medications that work well enough to take care of it, but I don't like feeling so out of it. While I am still getting used to the dosage increase I probably don't take them as much as I should, clearly not enough to take care of all of the pain. Today I almost dropped some keys but was able to catch them against my stomach before they fell all the way but just catching them felt like I had punched in the gut. I can't wait to see the new PET scan so I can see whats going on in there.

And then.... My toe freaking hurts! 2 years ago, right after I finished cancer treatment the first time, I got an infection in my big toe nail. They had to take off my entire toe nail and it took forever for it to grow back. I was pretty pissed. I had no hair, one boob or somewhere in between having no or two new boobs- I can't remember- and then they took my toe nail off! UGH! Then this time it is right after they take my ovaries, it is almost like there is some force denying me the right to be girly! Well, I am fighting it with long hair, make up every day, good smells, pink everything and everything else I can battle it with! In the mean time I went to the doctor (loved her! And my auntie works there so it was even better!!) last week, at the first sign of infection, hoping that I caught it in time to save my toe nail. It's not looking so great. I have been trying everything I can to treat the infection but I don't think I can save it. It brings back bad memories from last time and it rules out a ton of pretty open toe sandal options! And the new doc said no more rock star toes! UGH!!! I hate it!!! Maybe this is a lesson in vanity, but really?!?! haven't I had enough? Maybe I should re-evaluate what I learned or didn't learn and re approach this.

Tony and my dad make my days so fun and all of the planning really is such a good distraction! I think I will feel better when I get my the fluid around my lungs drained again. I try to stay focused on the good things and all of the blessings in my life and I don't think I have stopped, but this week has been a little more difficult than most and I'll be glad when I get to spend the weekend with Tony and just enjoy his company! He takes such good care of me he has completely spoiled me, I love it!!! I love him too!

Also, I got a few more notices that I qualified for law school. I love getting those, even though I am not going to go, it makes me feel good.  :)  if anything I will continue my masters, I think I ended up in the program that was best for me!

Doctor Visit

I just got back from my regular oncologist appointment. My tumor markers continue to rise and he was pretty concerned about it. He actually cried and was procrastinating coming in my room to tell me. I love my Dr so much, he is in this with me. We are going to start a shot that blocks estrogen and he ordered new tests, a chest x-ray and a PET scan. I am happy with the plan and am not as surprised as he seemed to be that my tumor markers are still going up. All of this blood work was from before I had my ovaries out. The blood they took today will be more accurate, in my none medically educated opinion, in showing what effect removing the ovaries had.  I think he was so upset because the trend is no longer arguable or a fluke.  To me, this isn't anything new or different from what I thought was going to happen. I will feel better about having a new PET scan and the shots aren't anything either way for me.

What's Happenin' Hot Stuff?

:) I love that Movie!
Well, not much. I feel like I always say that and yet, I am always so busy and my days go by so fast! Wedding stuff is going really well. I get something done everyday and am still having a really good time! I have two doctor appointments next week. One with my lung doctor, it is getting harder to breathe again and I hope they can drain some fluid soon. I get out of breath so easily, just drinking water or walking up and down the hall a few times can leave me gasping for air. The other appointment is my regular 6 week check up with my oncologist. They will take some blood to run my tumor markers and flush out my port. I don't expect anything new from that one. I might need to adjust my pain meds, the does doesn't seem to do as much as it used to but I'm not sure if I am willing to go up or switch to anything stronger right now. I might wait until after my fluid drain to decide that too, I remember last time that the pain decreased once I had recovered anyway- the first three days were more painful! Ugh I am not looking forward to that but hopefully I will be more relaxed this time. That's all for now, I will write next week to update everyone on my doctor appointments.

A break in health stuff.... can only mean one thing!

It's time to talk about weddings! Technically commitment ceremonies! Right after I healed from surgery we jumped right into planning! I am so excited and am having so much fun! So far we have gotten a lot accomplished but it still feels like nothing is done! How does that happen?!?! I found a wonderful place, we have our top three caterers in mind, the invitations are designed and a quality check has been printed, my dress is in my closest (as previously blogged), so is my veil!, the cake has been tasted and decided on, and a few other things have been done too, but we still haven't booked a venue so nothing can really be finalized. It's really fun though and I can not wait! We are so excited to share this day with our family!

Follow up from Surgery

I had my follow up appointment from surgery and it went very well. My dr was even able to tell me why I felt so terrible after surgery. He said it happens very rarely. Basically if you have the surgery when your hormones are at their peak, removing the ovaries basically causes a hormone crash. Your body has about 24 hours worth of hormones so the first day I felt fine, the second day I had crashed. He said the pathology report was clear, so there was no cancer in the ovaries, we didn't expect any but they check everything. So I am released from that doctor. There is nothing else planned at this point. They are watching my tumor markers and watching for new symptoms.