Thank God for Pleasant Distractions

This has been a pretty difficult week for me. Emotionally and physically. One of my doctors lost his daughter to cancer this week, lymphoma. She was just a little younger than I am. I'm so sad for him and the whole situation is a little too close for comfort. I never had the pleasure of meeting her but we share a mutual friend and she worked at camp. I read some of her blogs and writings last night and felt like I really would have liked her. Her blogs made me laugh out loud and I could really relate to her being a cancer bride, her hospital humor, and her loss of "normal" life that replaced by the life of a full time patient. I wish I could have known her and feel for her friends and family. Her obituary is beautiful and so well written. I am sure her dad, one of my favorite doctors, will need to and should take some time off of work and that makes me sad because I know him and trust him so much that it will be difficult to see someone else while he is out. I can't wait to see him again and I have been thinking about him so much. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, I want him to take that time off, and I'm ok going to someone else in the meantime, but I will miss him and appreciate his care and treatment. I can wait and see him again in a few months :)

Physically, I hurt. My ribs hurt in front and back, on the left and the right sides. I wake up in pain and spend my day avoiding things that will cause more pain. I have pain medications that work well enough to take care of it, but I don't like feeling so out of it. While I am still getting used to the dosage increase I probably don't take them as much as I should, clearly not enough to take care of all of the pain. Today I almost dropped some keys but was able to catch them against my stomach before they fell all the way but just catching them felt like I had punched in the gut. I can't wait to see the new PET scan so I can see whats going on in there.

And then.... My toe freaking hurts! 2 years ago, right after I finished cancer treatment the first time, I got an infection in my big toe nail. They had to take off my entire toe nail and it took forever for it to grow back. I was pretty pissed. I had no hair, one boob or somewhere in between having no or two new boobs- I can't remember- and then they took my toe nail off! UGH! Then this time it is right after they take my ovaries, it is almost like there is some force denying me the right to be girly! Well, I am fighting it with long hair, make up every day, good smells, pink everything and everything else I can battle it with! In the mean time I went to the doctor (loved her! And my auntie works there so it was even better!!) last week, at the first sign of infection, hoping that I caught it in time to save my toe nail. It's not looking so great. I have been trying everything I can to treat the infection but I don't think I can save it. It brings back bad memories from last time and it rules out a ton of pretty open toe sandal options! And the new doc said no more rock star toes! UGH!!! I hate it!!! Maybe this is a lesson in vanity, but really?!?! haven't I had enough? Maybe I should re-evaluate what I learned or didn't learn and re approach this.

Tony and my dad make my days so fun and all of the planning really is such a good distraction! I think I will feel better when I get my the fluid around my lungs drained again. I try to stay focused on the good things and all of the blessings in my life and I don't think I have stopped, but this week has been a little more difficult than most and I'll be glad when I get to spend the weekend with Tony and just enjoy his company! He takes such good care of me he has completely spoiled me, I love it!!! I love him too!

Also, I got a few more notices that I qualified for law school. I love getting those, even though I am not going to go, it makes me feel good.  :)  if anything I will continue my masters, I think I ended up in the program that was best for me!