Scary Movies and Friends from Texas

After weeks of begging I agreed to go see My Bloody Valentine. Heidi really wanted to go see it and it was the 3D and 'going during the day so I wouldn't be scared leaving the theater' that sold me. Well, we ended up going a little later than we hoped, but still got out pretty early so we could watch princess bride or fern gully to bring peace and happiness back into the world. The movie scared the crap out of me!!!!! The 3D was really cool but not sure if it was worth it. I am very proud of myself for sitting there the entire movie though. During the previews I knew I was in the wrong place and way too close! We sat really close and 3D puts things in your lap already so I think it made it double scary. I'm not even exaggerating about how scared I was either. After the movie we went to the Gap, that made me a little better but I still wasn't breathing right. We went by Longs to take out blood pressure and heart rates, ok, my blood pressure was great, but my heart rate was 97!!!!! OMG! 45 min later I was still near "work out" heart rate!!!! It was good for a scary movie, sometimes they are pretty lame, but I really liked this. Heidi was scared too, she jumped so much there was more popcorn on the floor all around her than she got in her mouth. So I think you should only go see it if your heart is good, there really should be a warning or something. And of course everyone else was teenagers and we felt like little old ladies sitting in the front gasping for air and throwing popcorn all over the place, they probably had more fun watching us than the movie. he he he
Megan, my best friend from high school is coming to help take care of me after surgery and while Heidi is gone. I'm so excited to see her and just hang out, but I wish it was for fun. We should have a lot of time together, but I will probably be sleeping or in pain most of the time. She will be here Wednesday the day of surgery and will stay until Monday. It should be a good way to recover! :)
That's about all I have going on right now. I have been spending my time getting over chemo and getting ready for surgery. I want to get everything clean, get some more pj tops and stock the house with everything I could need for a few weeks so I can just stay home and recover.

New Wig!

A friend bought me a new wig. I love it! We went wig shopping in Fresno at a breast cancer store, The Power of Pink. It is a great store and I loved everything they had. The owners are a mother and daughter team that have both survived breast cancer. When the mother was diagnosed they wanted to buy pink ribbon items and nobody had a good selection, so they created a store that did. There was more pink stuff than I had ever seen. And they had a great selection of wigs. I can not wait for everyone to see it! I am so thankful for such great friends. I was not looking for a new wig but she has been wanting to buy me one for a while. And if the perfect wig hadn't been there, I never would have let her. It's long and dark with some highlights, it is parted just like my hair was, it's perfect! My other wig is short and a little darker. The perma tease makes it look like damaged hair and I haven't been wearing it very much. I woke up today so excited about my new one, I couldn't wait to get dressed! I am going to the beauty supply store to get a brush and some more wig caps. Have a great day!
Love Janice

feeling good about upcoming surgery

I have had a few days to think about meeting with the doctor and am excited about my decision and the results from chemo. I am still trying to prepare myself for the chance of needing a full mastectomy, but for now, I am loving the idea of a partial. So, Feb 4th is the day, I will know what time on the 2nd and of course will post it that evening. My pre-op appointment is at 3:00 and I will need to do some lab work. It is nice not having a work schedule to arrange all of these things with.

partial or full mastectomy

I saw my doctor today and it looks good for a partial mastectomy. I am happy to hear that I now qualify for one, but wish my numbers were better. there is only a 60%-70% chance that a partial will remove all of the cancer. So I really should still consider a full. There are pros and cons with this decision and its not one to take lightly. There are many things that are the same regardless of which surgery (the partial or full mastectomy). Either way, I will have another round of chemo and radiation. There is no reconstruction for a partial and the scaring will be considerable as will the size, about 25% of my breast tissue will be removed. The full offers complete reconstruction but a longer healing time and reconstruction is additional surgeries. Some deciding factors were that with the partial, he does not have to remove the nipple and sew it back on (pretty painful stuff), I was blessed with a fair amount of breast tissue so I will still have enough left, and the place of the tumor will allow me to keep my cleavage (the part most people see anyway). I think the only time anyone would ever really know is when I am topless or in a bathing suite and at that point the symmetry of my chest is one of the last things on my mind. The cons are that one breast will always be smaller, unless I shrink the other one (an option I am not in love with) and there is a chance not all of the cancer will be removed meaning more surgeries. I can always go back and get the full if it is not all removed and ultimately I feel that I would regret not trying to save it with chances that are better than a coin toss of removing it all with a partial. So as of this minute I am going partial- I might change my mind and I might not. I really need to sleep on it and I am trying to think of everything that should go into this decision. Recurrence rates are about the same and I think that it would be easier to feel if there is breast to feel it in. Either way- surgery is Feb 4th.

Last days of chemo

I did it! I made it through chemo with my spirit and health in tact! I had read of people's hair growing back right after, but I didn't think it would happen to me, but guess what?!! I see hair! On me! Yeah!!! I even had to shave my legs today, yes you lose ALL of your hair. Don't get me wrong I have enjoyed not having to shave or hair dry during treatment, but it is really nice to see it coming back to soon. The eyebrows look a little choppy but not bad and eyelashes are better than when I cut them off with a defective eyelash curler. The next chemo treatment will knock it all out again, but I am so happy that it won't take forever for it to start to come in again. I want to scream and dance and shout with excitement! Not sure what I am going to shout really, but sounds like fun! Can you picture me yelling how happy I am to have a few hairs on my head. Ha! I'd look completely nuts. :) I am going to have a great weekend and enjoy myself to the fullest. Next week will be getting ready for surgery, mentally and physically.
Till next time! Love Janice

Cheeky Monkey

My cheeks are soooooooo swollen. I am guessing from the steroids, but they are super sized! Like super super large! They are so big that my teeth are leaving impressions inside my mouth. I have bitten a huge hole on one side so now that side is more swollen than the other. So, my face is not only freakishly childlike but lopsided too. Chemo = good times. Really it's getting better, but for a couple days it was rough chewing, sleeping, talking etc etc. I am glad the swelling is going down and the large hole is shrinking.
In other news.... I am officially off of work for a while. I ended up taking last week off from the fourth chemo treatment. When you go on disability you have to take one week off of work and instead of going to work for a week or so and then taking another week off I just went out a little earlier. Confused, sorry, I blame my chemo brain for my inability to explain things or even speak clearly lately.
Also, I am an ordained minister. ah haa haa. Really! Revered Janice is what is says on my certificate. So, I can marry people and everything. I can even start a church. SO I started the church of the beanie. :) Really I did it so I can officiate my sisters wedding. Much better option than wearing a brides maid's dress just after surgery and bald.
And almost finally, a lot of people are asking how I am feeling. I am feeling pretty good. Last week was rough. I was very tired and sleeping most of the time. This week is better but my energy is still low. I am feeling better every day, getting more and more energy. Now that I am off of work I am bored silly, I told Heidi the other day that I was already bored for the next day. She laughed at me. The nausea is mostly gone and my hair is even growing in. I will lose it again, but it is nice to see that it will come back quick.
Ok, and finally finally, a lot of people are asking what is next. I go to my surgeon on Jan. 20th. He will measure it and decide what type of surgery to do. Lumpectomy, partial mastectomy, or full mastectomy. It is much smaller so I think that it will be a lumpectomy or partial mastectomy. He does surgery on Wednesdays and Fridays so it could be that week on the 23rd or the next week on either day. It is all up in the air and anything can happen. As soon as I know I will post to share the news. After surgery they give a few weeks off to recover and then it is back for more chemo then radiation. Radiation is six weeks putting me at the end of May all fixed up and ready to go.
Good night I am off to bed!
Much love! Janice

Round 4 is in, can we all say chemo brain?

I had heard of chemo brain before, but I am really feeling it today. I have forgotten lots of things, like why I am in a certain room, how to spell everything and then of course I forget to spell check before I send, I forgot something else too, but now I forgot what it was, funny huh? Well I guess I am ok with it, but would prefer to have my normal brain power back.

Ok, so update from the doctor! I always see him before I get my treatment and when he checked the tumor he could barley find it!!!! I love it!!! So today in the shower I did a quick check, and I would have never gone to the doctor for what I felt, it was like a little bump, but nothing like it was when I even first found it. I am sooooo happy! My treatment is not the traditional routine, most treatments start with surgery. My doctor suggested this treatment schedule and shared the pros and cons. I decided I liked it, and we are doing it. One of the pros for it is seeing the cancer shrink and the faith it gives me in what chemo can do. I shared this with my dad and he asked what would happen if we just did more chemo. I told him he would have one pissed of daughter. Yeah, I've been taking it and running with what I have been dealt, but lets not add more grossness right now. I am so full of chemicals! So next is surgery then some more chemo, and then radiation. My risk management nurse said I'll be in a bikini by the summer. Wow what a thought! I doubt I will be wearing a bikini that soon, no more tanning and lots of steroids that make me eat like Michael Phelps so there is a little extra weight to lose, but I'm sure it won't stick around for long. Maybe there will be a fall bikini event I can get into! :)

Another thing on my mind is the results. I go for my surgery consultation on Jan 20th and am trying to prepare myself for whatever news he dishes out. I am sure it is smaller, but I do not want to get my hopes up about anything. So, trying to be a little realistic. He he he funny coming from me? yeah I'm not sure how realistic I have potential to be about anything. :)

I love my roommate! She just cut out some hair dye coupons for me! She thinks of me! Another friend called the other day before she came over and asked if I needed anything and then added, hair products, anything at all? Of course I thought she was joking so I laughed and said hair spray, and she was sooooo funny and caught what she had said and about died. She felt bad, but it really made me laugh, maybe the only contagious part of cancer is the chemo brain. I love the people in my life soooo much. They make this all so easy for me that I can not imagine going through though this without them.

Ok, goodnight! Lots of love! Janice

Last Chemo Treatment Today!!!

Hurray!!! I get my last A/C treatment today. I will have more chemo later, but for now this is it!!! I am soooo excited! I have been feeling really good with the 3rd treatment so I hope that the 4th is just as good. :) I will keep you posted!