Only one more chemo!!!!!

I got chemo today and only have one more!!!! I am soooo excited!!!! This month will be a little rough, but it will end soon and then I can move on!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! So, of course I am planning my no more chemo party!!!!! I'll let you know the details, when I have a better idea of what is going to happen, right now I just know that there will be a no more chemo party!!!!!!! With cake!!! Probably two weeks after I get my last one, when I am officially off of chemo.
Have a great day!!!!!

babysitee

We, my family and I, have decided it is best for me to not be alone when I am taking the BIG drugs, morphine. So, the days following chemo, I will have people come and "hang out" with me, or just come watch me drool. The big drugs are a little scary and I am really out of it those days. So, I might call you and ask if you are able to come by, if you want to, of course e-mail me, right now I am booking next week, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. The time is flexible. AS long as I am not home all night alone.
I met with a pharmacist yesterday and he went over all of my drugs for me. I am so thankful for all of these people that are helping me through this! He really broke it down for me and explained them. I need the pain meds, but only for a few days every time. Addiction is something I would really like to avoid. So, I got some tips to avoid that! He also gave me a really cool sorter that has the days of the week and I can even take them with me. It was easy to take my meds today and I didn't have to remember the ones I had already taken. I love it!!!!
My side effects today are more numbing and tingly and a lot less pain. The bottoms of my feet are almost numb and so are my finger tips, so weird!

Spaghetti and a bic

I bic-ed my head today. I was loosing a ton of hair everyday and it was pretty annoying, so I shaved it. I feel much better, and really I prefer the look too. It took all the energy I had to shave my head, normally that would have been ok, but today was the spaghetti feed and my entire family goes and chows on meatballs and spaghetti. I love it! I even had a glass of wine ;) It was nice to see my family and hang out with them for a little bit. They make me laugh! But I was so tired from shaving my head that I could barley stay awake after eating. So.... I went home and took a great nap.
My mom came and hung out with me yesterday afternoon. With these bigger drugs, I don't think I should be alone so much, so I am going to have my family come and hang out when they can. My moms visit was so nice, we talked about a ton of stuff and even cleared up a few misunderstandings. I thought she and some other family members where pulling away, tends to happen with illnesses like this, and had been so sad about it. I need my family and friends so much right now and when they pull away, it hurts. So, the visit with my mom was sooooooo great!
Ok, off to eat some ice cream yummy!

more morphine please!

Finally I have some relief! Occasional breakthrough pain will still stab at my hips, knees, back and ankles, but it is nothing compared to the torturous pain I was in. Heidi is the best person in the world!!!!! She ran all over town to get it for me and I am sooooo grateful for her! My dad is here sitting with me now, he is sudoku crazy right now! :)
I'm off to la la land....

ouch!

The doc gave me new pain pills the other day, but I was still having a lot of pain. So, I called today for something else. There is no way I can go all weekend like this, and he gave me a form of morphine!!!! I looked it up and wow! There are street names for it, dust, footballs, and some other names. I can feel a little head change but I can also still feel the pain. It should be gone any minute and I can not wait!!!!! I'll let you know how it goes!
I hope I feel better this weekend. The spaghetti feed is Sunday and the whole family goes, this year I might have to skip the wine, :( I'm not sure my family will know how to react to that. It could be a big upset! Who will talk the servers into bringing more wine? We always get snapped at, this is all you can eat spaghetti, not all you can drink wine! But we still manage to score at least a few more carafes of wine :D I love my family, maybe the morphine is working he he he!

Taxol # 2 is in

I got my chemo yesterday and my white blood cell booster today. The doc gave new pain pills, I hope they work!! It will kick in tonight, so I will let you know! Also, a friend that is about 6 mo to a year ahead of me the breast cancer game, sent me an outstanding taxol care package! She had a lot of the same side effects that I had and went to a holistic doctor. I checked with my doctor and got the green light for all of it. So I have tried them and so far I think they are helping. My appetite is already better and my stomach doesn't hurt like before. It is mostly vitamins and protein shake stuff, my its good! yummy chips too :) Popped Chips from trader joe's soooooo good!!!! OMG I have to go to Joes and get more yummy!!! Last night I even got 6 hours of sleep, last time, I got maybe 2. My nurse gave me less benadryl with my chemo and told me I could take some before I went to bed if I was worried I wouldn't sleep, it got the job done, but I didn't remember until 3, but slept from 3:45 AM - 9:30 AM, I am very happy with the way I am feeling and am prepared for the upcoming pains! I wish the weather was a little warmer though, all the stormy weather and rain doesn't help me out right now.

New Knockers!

I went to Fresno today and got my new fakey!! I love it, it looks so real!!! And I got three new bras that have pockets for it! I love it, I love it, I love it!!!! I am pretty tired from such a big day, but had such a good time! We went everywhere, sephora, power of pink, sephora, gap, cheesecake factory, whole foods, coach and j crew! All of my favorites in one day! (And yes, I know sephora is on there twice, but we went twice, once to spray the perfume on, then later after the perfume decisions were made- but I didn't buy perfume- chemo makes me smell funny- my nose is off and my own body smell is different.) I did buy other things though, not too much, too many med bills right now :( but there were some things I needed, and of course a ton of things I wanted. The boob and bras were almost $600!!!! Holy crap! Thank God for insurance! But I needed them, and feel soooooo much better now that I am wearing a real bra!!!!! I have been wearing a sports bra since February and I think I have mentioned my hatred of them few times, so I will only say, I LOVE MY NEW BRAS!!!! I got the best new boob too! I can swim and work out in it and it has this gel that is "cooling" for the summer. I am so happy that all of my research and talking to other people paid off!
In other news.... I have lost 10 lbs in a week, not so great. I am not too worried about it, but if you think about the upcoming weeks and do the math, that's like 80 lbs!! Sorry, but I do not have that much to loose!!!! OMG! So I will talk to the doc tomorrow and find out what he says, I haven't been hungry very much, when I am I get full so quick and things sometimes upset my tummy :( but I have not tossed anything nor have I been the least bit nauseous. I am very happy for that.
Ok, I am off to do some more shopping.... for some house stuff, relax.... I have chemo tomorrow, so there might be some late nights posts, I can't sleep the night after. Have a great night!

my hair

my hair is starting to hurt, I hope I won't lose it, but probably will... oh well, at least we know it grows back! :) I am going to Fresno on Monday and am really excited, I am finally cleared to wear a bra again!!!! Yeah me! I have been wearing sports bras since Feb and they really really really suck! Just in case you were wondering....
Easter is tomorrow and we are having the families over here to hunt eggs and eat breakfast. I made it really easy on myself, the only thing I need to cook are some scrambled eggs, should be easy peasy. The nieces will hunt for eggs and then we'll eat. Heidi has to work at 10:00 so we are doing an early one. I am super excited about the candy!!! We got a ton!!!! Like its Halloween or something! I might die Kona's tail again too, purple this time, it should fade to a nice pink! Ok, I
'm off, have a great weekend and I'll post some pics of Kona if I die her tail :)
Oh, I almost forgot, we picked a bowling team name, the second base savers! i love it! We are picking shirts right now, but I voted for this one... :D you know it is important to wear dark clothes blowing, light shirts get so dirty.

Daily pics

So, Did I tell you? maybe I did, I forget, chemo brain, not really.... But i decided to take a picture everyday. They say I will loose my hair again, but I'm holding on to it, he he he. Anyway, once everything is all said and done, I will make the pics into a movie, like a really fast slide show and you will be able to see my hair fall out and grow back in. I'm pretty excited about seeing it once it is done. I have been taking pics for about a month right now and want to put them together. I looked through them today and laughed pretty hard. There are a few days I looked really pathetic! A few days after chemo when i was all butt hurt about everything in the world, jeez those were bad ones. Hopefully when I make the movie I wont need all of the pics and can not put those in there. :) Ok, goodnight, And... if you're wondering what I am doing up soooo late, I tried to go to bed, but couldn't sleep, so I thought I would blog a little.

Women's Cancer Support Group

Tonight was the first night I went to the Women's Cancer Support Group. I loved it! There were about 8 of us and mostly breast cancer, all at different stages- some 10 yr survivors some just diagnosed, some like me in the middle of treatment. It was really nice to be in a room full of people that understand exactly what I am going through. This last week or so has been sooooo hard and I have felt like I am so different than everybody and nobody understands what I am going through. The meeting tonight gave me strength and I feel so energized again. I can't wait until next month, there are some people from MAC cosmetics coming to have a make up party!!!! Wow! Did I start going at the right time or what?!?!?! Yeah!!!!

one week down, seven more to go

I am one week into treatment. The side effects are finally fading away, but are still very much here. And so much has been happening! I am ready for Easter, the girls are coming over to hunt for eggs! Also, my sister is getting married this summer and this was the week to order my brides maid dress for my sisters wedding, but I decided not to be in it. I just cant handle all of it right now and do not want to be any more of a spectacle than I already am. And I really really do not want to wear a floor length dress, a wig, a bra from hell in the summer during radiation treatment, which will leave a sun burn on me. So, I will throw her a shower and bachelorette party, and just go to the wedding. Even though it was my decision to not be in the wedding I am still really sad about it. I have even cried about it more than once. I know I am over emotional right now, but this seems to be the only thing I have been actually crying about. I want to be a part of the wedding, but nothing seems to be working out no matter how hard I try. So, I need to get over it. It did save me $200 this month, which I really need for medical bills so I am way happy about that :) Other than that, there is a ton of stuff happening at the Y that I really want to be a part of, but can't, stupid rules about disability blah blah blah. Everybody gets to organize stuff but me right now! I never realized how much I just need to do plan events and activities. I want to take over and plan everything and it is almost impossible for me not to. One because there is nothing left unplanned, and two because I cant really commit to planning anything that is further away than tomorrow. I hate not doing everything, not being in the middle of all the activity, with a million tiny details to attend to and lists and lists to write, rewrite, and finally actually do, or delegate, he he he. I did get to plan Easter, but that is for 13 people and took two min. I will also get to plan a few of sisters wedding parties, but that isn't nearly enough to do. I am officially bored! I will be going to a women's cancer support group this Thursday and am very excited to hear about their trials and tribulations. I wonder if they have gone through the same roller coaster and what they did about it. And really, I know I am complaining and whiny about everything right now, but I could not imagine being a mom of 3 kids or something right now. That would be impossibly hard. SO before I think of anything else to complain about, I am going to go and relax a little. Hugs! Janice

Taxol Day 5

Chemo sucks! I am really over it. I know that my attitude sucks and right now I could care less. All day Thursday was so painful I could barely talk. None of my pain meds did anything and I was miserable. There was no comfortable position, nothing I could do, eat, say, or take that would make it better. I just laid around and tried to get past it. My chemo nurse said it would only last a day or two so I knew it was going to end, but I can really relate to people that have chronic pain, I would never be able to do it. Last night we sat in a hot tub and that was soooooo great! No pain! Now it is just a irritating but not painful. Advil takes the edge off and I can sleep!!! :) You know it is the simple things in life that are exciting these days, like sleeping! Ok, I am done complaining, I am going to go lay down and relax a little, maybe watch a movie :)

First dose in

This chemo is much different than my last one. This one is taxol, I read up on it and expected it to be a little like the other and have some of the same side effects. It went in fine, but today I want to scream. joint pain is one of the side effects, and boy o boy, I have that! I want to cut myself in half and throw my legs out the window! It is nearly impossible to get comfortable, and none of my pain meds are touching it. I hate to complain, I like to focus on the good stuff, but this is agony, I'm over it for sure. The good news is that it should only last the rest of the day and maybe tonight. I will be celebrating as soon as it passes, I can't wait!!!!!