one week down, seven more to go

I am one week into treatment. The side effects are finally fading away, but are still very much here. And so much has been happening! I am ready for Easter, the girls are coming over to hunt for eggs! Also, my sister is getting married this summer and this was the week to order my brides maid dress for my sisters wedding, but I decided not to be in it. I just cant handle all of it right now and do not want to be any more of a spectacle than I already am. And I really really do not want to wear a floor length dress, a wig, a bra from hell in the summer during radiation treatment, which will leave a sun burn on me. So, I will throw her a shower and bachelorette party, and just go to the wedding. Even though it was my decision to not be in the wedding I am still really sad about it. I have even cried about it more than once. I know I am over emotional right now, but this seems to be the only thing I have been actually crying about. I want to be a part of the wedding, but nothing seems to be working out no matter how hard I try. So, I need to get over it. It did save me $200 this month, which I really need for medical bills so I am way happy about that :) Other than that, there is a ton of stuff happening at the Y that I really want to be a part of, but can't, stupid rules about disability blah blah blah. Everybody gets to organize stuff but me right now! I never realized how much I just need to do plan events and activities. I want to take over and plan everything and it is almost impossible for me not to. One because there is nothing left unplanned, and two because I cant really commit to planning anything that is further away than tomorrow. I hate not doing everything, not being in the middle of all the activity, with a million tiny details to attend to and lists and lists to write, rewrite, and finally actually do, or delegate, he he he. I did get to plan Easter, but that is for 13 people and took two min. I will also get to plan a few of sisters wedding parties, but that isn't nearly enough to do. I am officially bored! I will be going to a women's cancer support group this Thursday and am very excited to hear about their trials and tribulations. I wonder if they have gone through the same roller coaster and what they did about it. And really, I know I am complaining and whiny about everything right now, but I could not imagine being a mom of 3 kids or something right now. That would be impossibly hard. SO before I think of anything else to complain about, I am going to go and relax a little. Hugs! Janice