more surgery

I heard from my doctor this morning. The margin he went in for is clean, unfortunately there is another spot that has more infiltrating cancer. When I talked to him this morning he said that there was no reason for him to gather more tissue, he just did. Thank God he did, he said sometimes God whispers in your ear, I told him that I was glad he was listening! How many times have we been whispered to, or even yelled to and have not listened? So, basically I will go back on Wednesday and have a mastectomy. The lymph nods are still clear so they will just remove the breast tissue. I have told a few people, I am sure I will talk to more in the coming days. They are all very concerned and don't believe me when I say that I am ok with this. So here are all of the reasons that this is not bad news for me. I have been preparing for this news for 6 weeks, after two partial mastectomies- they no longer seem to be a "pair", I get a tummy tuck to make the new one if I want :) My left boob will never get sore when I am pms-ing ever ever ever ever again! YEAH!!!!, I don't need it to live, I can feel what it is like to flat chested-literally, and I am sure there are many more good things about this. I am sad about having to go in for more surgery, I hate the taste in your mouth afterwards and not being able to eat or drink anything ALL day and the surgery is at 3:30 in the afternoon- stupid!- and I do not like having to stay in the hospital- it will be my first overnight trip and I just know I am going to come out with an extra nose and a staph infection. The other thing is that I am tired of being a patient, I want to do things myself and without everyone checking on my all the time. I have been very good at it and feel I have served my time being dependent. I am also disappointed that there had to be so many surgeries. One of the reasons I chose to do the partial was the chance of less surgeries total, no reconstruction, etc- but we ended up needing 5 when I could have had two. I am very glad that such an effort was made and that in the end I will know that all the cancer is gone. I will know more about my surgery on Monday after my doctor's appointment.