oh how things can change

My radiation oncologist just called. He wants a second opinion and is sending me to Stanford. I appreciate his honesty and admitting he does not have all the answers. I think that is a really good quality in a doctor. His concern is that I might not need radiation. If I do not need it, I do not want it, however, I think I need it. My opinion is formed mostly from my fears though and I want to be more aggressive than not. He thinks I am borderline, so I say lets go! The side effects of radiation might not be worth it and that is when the medical second opinion comes in. Radiation can only be given once per area, ever. So, if I don't need it now, and get it I have wasted my only shot at radiation. However, if I don;t get radiation and have a recurrence, then I will always think that I should have had it. Also, this pushes back my return to work! Again! So I think I might just go back now. Maybe work 4 days a week, and have one day of disability a week. 3 days of work in a week is not worth it financially although might be perfect for me physically and emotionally. hmmmm.... so many decisions..... I am sure I will come up with something soon, I'll keep you posted.
And, Stanford scares me, I think it makes it more real and more serious, when up till now, I have just been cruising along, excluding the 3 surgeries to get it all.